FIG HUNTER
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Posts relating to Special Days:

48
Pseudolonewolf
4 years ago

Hello, 2013

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Art ExcusesPersonalSpecial Days
I've been avoiding Fig Hunter recently... Sorry about that. Due to various Life Event things recently, what with all the stuff relating to this time of year and everything, I've been unable to make any progress with games development, but I'll get back to it shortly.

Hopefully I'll be able to finish at least *one* game in this new year, but more importantly, I also hope to have my life sorted out... To probably go to university or something, where I can make friends and have somewhere to actually go. I feel like much of my slowness with game development is due to the fact that I'm so lonely and miserable and so on. So when I do get back on track, my work should benefit from that. And stuff.

But yes, hello. Maybe I'll have something more interesting to say soon.

For now, here's a thing that shows my progress with visual art this year, which I've been working on a whole lot after essentially neglecting drawing for three years. Maybe someone will find it mildly interesting.

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2
Pseudolonewolf
5 years ago

Happy Birthday To Me...

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalSpecial Days
I'm 24 today.

I can't exactly say this makes me happy. I'm past the stage where I remotely enjoy getting older. Instead, it just makes me reflect on my position in life at the moment... Living with my parents, no real life friends, no 'proper job', anxiety issues that prevent me from leaving the house, can't drive, can't even go in shops, my relationship seems uncertain and I don't feel capable of finding others so it seems like all that awaits in my future is loneliness and uncertainty. I'll probably become some bitter, grizzled old cynic before I am 30, single and depressed.

I'm already such a cheery fellow, as you can see.

Every extra year seems closer to death, and even if I were to meet people my age, it feels like it'd be harder to form bonds as close as they'd be if you shared more of your life journey with them... Growing up together. That means a lot to me, it seems, but it also seems out of my reach... Hard to explain.

But maybe I should look on the bright side!1 Like... hmm. There probably maybe perhaps is one, if I look hard enough.

I just hope that over the next year, I can sort a lot of things out, rather than ending up writing an even more depressing blog post when I'm 25. I am trying, but the changes I need to make are huge.

Anyway, after this moment of sighing reflection about not being where I want to be in life, I'd rather just get back to working on Miasmon or something. I hope I can finish that soon. Releasing it would feel like a big and welcome change in my life.

(I wonder how many lovely people will kick me while I'm down this time?)
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2
Pseudolonewolf
5 years ago

New Year's Resolutions

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
These are my general goals for this year. I've tried to make them realistic, but time will tell how many of them I can manage.
I hope for this to be a year of big changes, though, rather than yet another year in the same old lonely rut...



These are goals relating to games:

Finish Miasmon Part 1, definitely

This is something that I really MUST do, and soon, I hope. I've been working on it for too long as it is, and I really want to see it released.

Finish Miasmon Part 2, ideally

Once part 1 is done, part 2 won't be too difficult since it'll require only relatively minor additions to the already existing engine and content. It should only take a fraction of the time to complete.

Finish Miasmon Part 3, hopefully

Again, part 3 should be fairly quick, but it may still be unrealistic to expect it to be finished this year too.

Finish Miasmon Part 4, maybe?!

It'd be great if I could get all four parts of Miasmon done and released in a single year, but don't get your hopes up. The sponsorship alone for each chapter will probably take up loads of time.

Finish Chamaeleon

This is a game I worked on relatively recently, which is almost done. It just needs a bit more work, but I was working on it with Firequill and emotion-based things came up that prevented us from seeing it through to the end... It would be nice to have it out of the way soon, though.

Decide what to do with 'Marooned'

I also started a text-based game thing recently, which I mentioned in the same blog post that I mentioned Chamaeleon in, but again, I got almost, but not quite, to the point of completion. Maybe I'll release it in some form, either sponsored or not, or at least scrap it and upload what I DID make rather than leaving it in some kind of purgatory for years.

Beast Signer?

This is something that I want to talk about in another post soon. It'll be a big game - probably Beast Signer, though I could also play around with the setting to create something new - where you catch and train monsters, etc, but it could only be played on this site, and would update in parts (like a new monster being added every day, a new area each week, etc) rather than being released when it was finished. It'd be a constantly growing world, rather than a standalone story; sort of like a single-player MMO, I suppose.
It's something I've wanted to do for years, and I feel now I have enough skill to pull it off.

You may notice that I haven't mentioned MARDEK 4... I have been feeling interested in it lately, but I don't want to mention it as a goal because I can't promise that I'll work on it soon. If I have the time and the motivation, I might, but for now it's very much something I'm unsure about.
I mean, I want to get to it eventually, but I'm just not sure when.



These are personal goals:

Decide what to do with my future...

I currently have no real proper job and I live with my parents; my life has direction in that I make games, but my life outside my computer is full of uncertainties.
I've been thinking about whether I'll go to university, though my thoughts are vague and unsure. I hope by the end of the year to have either started with big life changes, or to at least have made plans concerning them.

Overcome my anxiety significantly...

I have 'Social Anxiety Disorder', which is crippling; it's the reason I have no job and live with my parents, since interacting with others or even stepping outside the house is something I really can't do very well at all. It goes beyond 'shyness'; it's a panic-attack-inducing phobia.
I'm doing a cognitive behavioural therapy course thing at the moment to help overcome this anxiety, so I'm hoping to see results. It'd be nice if by the end of the year, I could comfortably go outside without constantly worrying about having a panic attack (and feeling the physical effects of one happening), and to be able to use the phone or buy stuff from shops; things Normal People do without any thought.

Make friends?

I have no friends at the moment, in person, and this leaves me very lonely. It'd be nice to have at least one person to spend real-world time with by the end of the year.
It's not that nobody wants to be my friend; I'm just very picky about who I want to be friends with, since I want people I can really get along with and who I can meet in person and stuff, rather than just friendly people who want to be nice to me, since I'd find such 'friendships' difficult and undesirable due to my aforementioned disorder.
I want to find people I'd want to spend time with, rather than who I'd have to spend time with.

Increase my art skills!

My aim is to fill maybe two sketchbooks. I filled one this year, so I aim to double that.
I'm doing tutorials to learn how to draw the human figure, so I hope to be done with them soon (there are hundreds), and hope by the end of the year to be able to draw humans without too much difficulty or stress.

Learn Japanese!

I've been trying to learn Japanese recently. I've made some progress, and can understand the very basics and read Japanese writing, but I'm not yet knowledgeable enough to have even a basic conversation or read a book in it. I've only been trying for like two or three weeks.
My goal by the end of the year is to be able to play something like Pokemon Green, in Japanese, and to be able to actually understand what's going on as I do so.

Become comfortable on community sites...

At the moment, I am terrified of even looking at sites such as Facebook, or other forums... Again, it's based on my anxiety, but also things like loneliness and general awkwardness; I don't like seeing people being all happy and huggy and chummy with their many friends since I have none, and I worry too much about doing things wrong or not being accepted... I also don't really want to see the real life appearances of 13-year-old boys who friend me on Facebook, through their photos, and I'm scared too of encountering people from my past...
If by the end of the year I could comfortably look at such sites, be active on them (not necessarily Facebook, but any online community, like an anxiety-based forum I joined but am too scared and jealous to be active in or even look at), and so on, then I feel like it would improve my life in a lot of ways.
It won't be easy though...

Be able to look at the art of artists more skilled than myself.

I'm at a stage with my art where I'm quite aware of how much further I have to go before I can draw fluently and impressively. Yes, yes, I know people try to reassure me that my art isn't bad, but even though it's not as bad as can be, I DO have a long way to go before I can achieve what many people on sites like deviantART can.
I'm naturally jealous and self-deprecating, so when I see people drawing better than I can, I feel bad about my own abilities and am put off drawing as a result; I just look at the scribbles I produce when I try, and how poor they are compared to the skilled artists' art, and feel upset and stop drawing... So, I tend to avoid looking at art in general. If I don't see it, it can't make me feel bad!
That's not a good way to be though, and it has been causing problems for me. This is something I'll need to gradually overcome.
So my goal by the end of the year is to be able to look at such art in an inspiring rather than intimidating way; learning from it rather than just becoming envious.

Stick to a timetable!

My productivity is massively increased by ordering my time sensibly, working only at certain hours, etc. I've been doing this recently, and doing it relatively well, but I want it to be very ingrained so that I naturally work by some timetable rather than constantly slipping out of the rhythm of things.



So yes, those are my New Year's Resolutions. Perhaps they're very specific and abnormal, not the typical 'lose weight' or 'be a better person' sorts of things.
I'm hoping and aiming to achieve them all, but even just achieving one or two would be great.
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