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Posts relating to Personal:

4 years ago

Birthed A

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalSpecial Days
It was my birthday yesterday, and I turned 26. This is a scary thought! One that I won't elaborate on, but I felt the need to mention it anyway. Yes. I'm now going to write a more interesting post about games development though!!1
4 years ago

Thoughts about Fig Hunter

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Personal
I know there's been a lot of frustration and drama here lately, so I'm once again breaking my promise to no longer use this place to talk about personal stuff, in order to maybe clarify some things.

First of all, I want to say that I don't think that everyone on Fig Hunter is a bad person, or anything like that! I'm sorry if I've given that impression... It's just really tough for me, because I burned out all my energy a long time ago. It's different for me than for you, you see, because I'm on the receiving end of hundreds or thousands of comments from different people, as has been the case for years now, and many of them blur into one, and each nasty one strikes the same wound over and over... It's hard to consider the nuances of individuals; even if thinking about a single person's details and traits took just 1% of my energy, I'd be well below 0% in no time. As such, it's just easier for me to want to escape 'Fig Hunter' as a whole. Sort of like being bullied by a handful of bad eggs at school, so you want to avoid school as a whole.

It's really unfortunate that genuinely nice people are caught up in that, since it's really only the fault of a vocal minority...

However, those who respond to my frustration and desire to escape by intentionally trying to hurt me are not people I admire in any way at all. What's that supposed to achieve? Do you think that hurting me will make me think better of you? Every time anyone does that, it just intensifies my desire to be away from this place. It's like headbutting the fragile, termite-filled mast of a ship you're all on... Even if you're successful, you'll all only suffer negative consequences. If I'm destroyed by people from here, then why would I continue to maintain the site, or to make games? It's hard enough doing either of those things with the mountains of frustration being piled upon me by people seeking revenge for my indirect insulting of them. I'm already very low on hit points, so I'm seeking rest to recover... Please don't take away the remaining few.

Another thing is the idea that I suggest that certain values - sensitivity, etc - are 'good', while other values - such as criticism, objectivity, etc - are 'bad'. This isn't the case objectively; only subjectively. Rather than being a matter of black and white, where I see myself as good and Fig Hunter as evil, instead it's more a matter of blue and red; my values are simply different to other values, incompatible with them, and I want a place where I can be immersed in the values that are more meaningful to me. They're certainly not the best values to have; being sensitive is seen as a handicap by many, and rightly so; it does make life more difficult. Being critical and solving problems has many, many benefits, and it's easy to imagine people who value those things ending up wealthier and more successful than I'll ever be. Each set of values has its place in the world, and its own admirers; it's not about good/bad, wrong/right.

I'm at an awkward phase in my life right now, where I'm trying to find my direction, both in terms of a career path, but also in terms of more emotional things like the people I'm happiest around. That group of people might not include you, but please don't take offence at that; we're not all compatible with everyone, and it's not because I think you're a lesser person than I am. It's just because I think that neither of us would have as much pleasure from interacting as we would if we were with people more on each of our wavelengths.

Anyway, I'm sorry for all this. I just need a rest... so I'd be very deeply appreciative if I could be allowed to have one. Thank you.
4 years ago


◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: IdeasPersonalPersonalityPlansThe Site
HELLO THERE. It's been a while since I last updated this thing, I realise!

I've been busy planning and mentally preparing myself for university, which will be a big, massive, huge, enormous change to my life because I've spent the last five or six years effectively living under a rock, hiding away from the real world. I'll be involving myself in a whole community full of strangers, and it's both terrifying and exciting.

It's an art-based university in a nice little town, and in many ways it seems ideal. I'm going to be doing a Video Game Art course, but I'm more interested in meeting people I might have some kind of emotional bond with. People 'like me' in terms of ethics, values, etc. It'd be nice to have real life friends for the first time in years. Maybe I can even find love!!!1

I've not made much game-related progress because of all that, but I'm hoping to change that soon. This big life change is sure to give me the boost that I need, and it'll renew my creativity and motivation and allow me to make games as I once did. I hope!!

ACTUALLY, there is something that I want to talk about relating to this site. I can't remember if I've already talked about it before, but I'll do so now anyway because it's important.

I've already made it clear that this site has an atmosphere that causes me distress, due to personality clashes and such. I've also talked about how I've been making another site to rectify the situation. But it seems like something that might cause yet more conflict, or it might make some people feel neglected, etc. (Hmm, I'm sure I've talked about this before... Oh well.)

The other site is mainly designed for ~sensitive~ types like me. People who dislike bluntness, force, aggression, tactlessness, insensitivity, argument, conflict, and so on and so forth. A place where you can talk about deeper feelings and get empathy and understanding rather than cold debates or criticism.

I'm aware that that's not the kind of place where many Fig Hunter regulars would belong.

BUT I also don't want to have some kind of 'private club' feel, making everyone else feel left out, because I can see that leading to lots of trouble.

However, a problem is that the games that are made for that other site are directly linked to it, meaning that you sort of have to have an account over there to play them. This is less than ideal, because it means that many members will join but might feel unwelcome. Or THEY might not feel any discomfort about joining, but the intended audience might not prefer their company.

Ideally, I'd like Fig Hunter to be the sort of place where people comfortable with debate and 'intelligent discussion' can come without worrying about stepping on sensitive peoples' feelings, while the other site will be for those more delicate flowers like myself.

However, the games themselves might be in a separate place, a kind of central hub, where members from both communities can access them. That means that effectively, accounts would be shared between the two different websites... or rather, Fig Hunter, the other place, and the games would each be subsections of one main site.

Maybe you'd be able to specify your 'allegiance' by having the icon of your preferred site alongside your username (optionally). I don't really want to create an 'us vs them' mentality, but it could be a way of showing your preferences or something.

Each portion of the site would have its own forum sections, while the gaming place in the centre would have its own forum too, specifically about the games. Maybe.

Issues arise, however! Currently, both sites exist, and both have accounts which have activity and memories linked to them. The EASIEST way to go about this triune site concept would be to require people from both sites to make entirely new accounts... but I can see that being met with opposition. It'd be a fresh start, I suppose, but maybe TOO fresh? I'm unsure how to merge the two databases safely, otherwise.

Anyway, it's still just an idea at this point.

OTHER THAN THAT, I've discovered yet another personality type thing that seems as valuable and useful to me as Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram. It's called Socionics! While Myers-Briggs covers how you process information, and the enneagram covers your drives and fears, socionics covers how you interact with others. What kinds of things you like to talk about, how you assert yourself, what gives you social confidence and satisfaction, etc.

My type is apparently EII, which is an 'ethical intuitive introvert'. If for whatever reason you're interested in learning more about me, ∞ this thing ∞ is a really, really accurate description and it fits me like a glove!

If you're curious about your own type, there's a ∞ test ∞ on that site, though you shouldn't rely on it too much. If you get something like EII, for example, maybe you're IEI instead (which is very different). So it's best to read the full descriptions before deciding.

Me being an EII explains a whole lot about things I've written extensively about in the past. It explains what I want to do with my other site, and the kinds of subjects I like to talk about. I feel like I've learned a lot from it!

So yes. Socionics. I bet that's totally as exciting a present as a new game, right? Surely.