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on 14 Roots

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Blog: MARDEK IV
Observato
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At this point, it's been so long that I'm all for more Mardek content. Changes or not, if it lives up to Pseudo's standards (which seem to have only gone up over time) it'll probably work out great. The problem I see with episodic content though is that once a series goes this way, people will expect that content to come regularly, and if it's delayed for ANYTHING, people get angry. If everything arrives on time, everything will be great. If not, well...

Now, I don't want to be a scornful wretch who will assume Pseudo will do this before anything has even happened. But, and I mean this in the most respectful way I can, I'm simply not used to expecting regular content from him. There have been too many delayed and/or abandoned projects for me to let that go lightly. The hopeful part of me that has kept track of this site for 6 years or more wants to believe that Pseudo can do it. The skeptical part tells me not to expect it.

(Man it stings to write that out. But after the preorder disasters of recent times (The only one I've done was Total War: Rome 2... *shudder*), I cannot expect anything more out of ANYONE, be they an indie dev or a large company. So at least equality. Yep.)
Blog: Numbers
Observato
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∞ LINK ∞

This is not intended for Pseudo, but everyone who is looking from the outside in. I've recently watched another person I keep track of on a semi-regular basis, Total Biscuit, suffer through a very similar problem. Now, it's not quite the same, as TB gives exactly the deeply scathing criticism that Pseudo doesn't like, but their interactions with their respective fanbases have the same pattern of starting with lots of interaction, then a slow turning away as the community gets more toxic for them to interact with. There seems to be something about having so many voices shouting at a person at once, many of them quite negatively, that seems to affect people quite deeply. Pseudo's social anxiety doesn't help, to be fair, but most people aren't prepared for that spotlight, let alone to have it continuously grow for years.


On a more personal note, I temporarily tried doing a Let's Play, starting with text and slowing moving on to video before regressing back to text. Text generally received positive comments. Video? I've gotten one, something along the lines of "Your voice sounds really high. Are you 13 or something?", and the implication that I'm an annoying brat speaking into the mic. Despite the fact that my text did the best I could to make it sound anything but that, I can't tell you how MUCH that demotivated me from making further videos; I've made a few more videos, but eventually stopped due to not getting any response other than that comment.

Words can hurt, and quite a lot. People would do well to remember that, but since this is the Internet, I'm not convinced they ever will.
Forum: So, look who's doing an LP of MARDEK...
Observato
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Yeah, I looked at the later bits myself, and I was sorry I ever tried to promote it. It's too bad, his Minecraft stuff is actually pretty decent; I suppose live-streaming turns everyone into a randominity stream-of-consciousness thing.
Forum: So, look who's doing an LP of MARDEK...
Observato
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No, not me, though I'd very much like to do one if I were able to. But Pakratt of Mindcrack (Minecraft) is. Whether for good or bad, we'll see, but in any case, there may be a bump of people coming to see what this MARDEK thingamajig is all about.

∞ YouTube ∞

Note that I don't know the quality of the videos, haven't watched one myself yet. But I was just so excited seeing one of the Mindcrack guys play Pseudo's stuff (and not one of the screaming MC LPers that some of them can develop into), and happy that MARDEK is big enough to gain attention from one of those guys.
Blog: Weekly Update
Observato
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I greatly respect that you'd rather be yourself despite all the criticisms, rather than stopping being yourself to avoid criticism. Don't ever stop that. (Uh, that sounds like a command! It's not like that! More like, a consolation? I don't know.)

I won't pretend to understand your situation fully, but hope you find some way out of the rut gently. (Dammit, I can't find the right words for my thoughts! Hopefully the intent is there though.)
Blog: Weekly Update
Observato
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Ouch Pseudo. I didn't realize that all these posts about personality were covering up <i>that</i>. I'm in a relatively similar position right now, in the transition to college. The people who were my rapports all disappeared, and once more I'm floating in the sea of the world alone. Now, sure, we talk over video chat every so often, but that's not the same as talking to a real person. And unfortunately, the person who I wanted to talk to most, the (confused on if she is whether an) INFJ, is one of those who drifted away. She was a girl I had liked for two years, only told her I liked her once (well into the second year), and managed to stay friends despite her not really accepting that. When you only have an amount of friends you can count on your fingers, that's not a bond you can just break. Logically, I'm aware that this is probably a selfish interest, that she may not be getting anything out of my liking her. But on the other hand, my emotional side just will not let go; having no girlfriend ever tends to do that. (And by girlfriend, I mean two-way relationship. So this, nice as it was, cannot be considered by me to be that.)

I think part of this is from social ineptness caused by the very inability to do what you described Pseudo. I'm an INTJ by heart; the logic is necessary to me, and I would never give it up. But, I keep logic and feeling apart, because I know full well they're different. Especially recently, I don't know how many times I felt like I should have said something, but was unable to speak, simply because I didn't have the right words to say. I <i>envy</i> that ability to just be yourself, because with the staggering majority of people, I'm not comfortable being myself I'm one of those cynical snarkers, though the cynical part is very much me, not just a mask. If I were to try to post a wall of text like this on Facebook, a good amount of people would just skip it. I've created a small Facebook group composed of just the 6-7 of a high school club that collectively form my closest friends (the girl above being one of them). I wrote a VERY long post on the Temperaments, very heavily influenced by your views on them. And only two of them responded, one the girl above, the other one of the heavy logic people. (That's not bad, it just is.) Makes me really unwilling to write a long post on my actual feelings, where I would be spewing my soul into the black hole of the internet without so much as a consolation. No doubt it's why I've become an even heavier snarker on Facebook, and between that and some overly serious anger on jokes, sometimes I don't like what I've become over there.

So yeah. That my spiel of the "unfeeling" INTJ who desperately wants that feeling bond. No doubt I would have more to say, but I don't have the time now. Would you like an objective analysis instead?! (Ah, there goes the snarking again.) I hope you, all of you, don't mind me going off on my own feelings; it IS Pseudo's site after all.

(Hm, I've repeatedly told my friends about Fig Hunter and Pseudo, some for the Temperaments, some for the Miasmon art. They know me by Observato as well as my real name. Uh... no doubt that if they see this post, they might be insulted... Dammit, this is why I don't talk about this stuff over there!)
Forum: Aspiring artist seeking tips
Observato
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For better or worse I'm one of those "heavily focused in class" types; something as hard as quantum chemistry demands it. Nonetheless, that's a good idea. Maybe a "wake-up drawing", or something.
Forum: Aspiring artist seeking tips
Observato
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Hello, I'm Observato, traditionally one of those Thinker types that wouldn't dare touch this art stuff. However, I've long been influenced (envious, I suppose) of Pseudolonewolf's drawings, and today I felt like trying to draw a self-portrait. This was much tougher than I thought, as in the past I had only drawn stick figures. Eyes in particular are tough; I can fully tell when eyes look wrong, awful, etc., but how to make them *right*, or at least better, eludes me. Even looking at an anime-eyes tutorial doesn't help too much, as it's all about the eyes' positions. But, finally, I seem to have gotten something.
∞ LINK ∞

(If that doesn't become a link automatically, I apologize. I can't seem to find the page Fig Hunter used to have for creating a hyperlink, so if you can tell me how to do that, I'd appreciate it.)

I was focusing mainly on the eyes. I'm in college in the moment, so I barely had time for that, let alone the nose and mouth. However, how would I go about improving this? I'd like to get to the point where it doesn't take me an hour to just draw the eyes, unless I'm dearly mistaken and it always takes that long.

Aside from that, any general tips? I'd really like to improve my art, especially of people. Being able to stylize it would be nice too. (Oh, and I only can draw with pencil and paper at the moment. That isn't likely to change soon.)
Blog: INFJ
Observato
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I've had an interesting conflict with the feeling/thinking aspects of personality. With most people, and with most non-personal decisions, I adopt a purely logical, thought-out personality. I am the planner among my group of friends, and hate when we veer off that plan. (As a science-oriented person, this is virtually expected.) It's what I'm most comfortable with among strangers and in public in general. But, though I use logic very effectively, I don't like it as much as I appear to. I have several layers to my personality, with the outer that is completely logical, and as I head inward, it's progressively less logical. The middle bits play logic for fun and sarcasm as much as it uses it straight. Moreover, the inner core of me is far more feel-oriented than most people expect. I can't adequately explain it in words, but if I'm speaking from this inner core, I sort of desire some sort of personal bond with the other person. As such, this core very rarely appears (I can probably count the times it has appeared this year on my hands), and so far, most of my friends are not compatible with such an interaction, which in turn makes me loath to show it again. I think only two people so far have responded the way I wanted (understanding and willing to relate, not merely listening and ignoring it later), and those two consist of my brother and the girl I had a crush on as a high school senior. That girl is of particular note: that sort of personal relationship is part of my inner core, so while she and I share the same group of friends, I have not told anyone in that group about the crush save her. I simply do not trust that sort of emotion to most other people, even friends. (I cannot speak for her, but since no one acted differently, I would guess that she did the same.) It's not that I'm embarrassed to like her (we're pretty geeky people even among a school cobbled from the smartest people in the district, and we embrace that), but I just don't trust others with such a deep revealing of myself. Part of the problem is that at this stage in life, people say to have shallow relationships, since they will mostly be broken after high school. My logical brain tells me this is completely true, but my inner core refuses to accept that. I desire the deep relationships so much, especially since they are very rare for me, that settling for a shallow one will never do.

Well, that rambled for quite a long time, so I'm going to leave it at that. In short, I'm looking for people who can stand/like my heavily logical outer shell, but are also feeling enough that they can talk with my inner self. Great. That is one damned hard task when I'm already very picky about my friends.

(As a side note, I'm so relentless in my desire to have everything perfect, that this post has taken an hour-and-a-half to write. Even in my ramblings, I don't like to settle for "good enough", not in my logic nor my emotions. All or nothing.)
Blog: Getting back to Miasmon...
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As a writer of fictional stuff in my spare time, details are always the thing that kills my inspiration. I can have awesome ideas, but after some time trying to write it out, I tend to get bogged in the details. Sometimes it gets to the point where I just want to abandon the story. I know I shouldn't, and since I have a creative writing class this year, I cannot always, but I often do. (My work tends to either be unplanned and rambly, or planned and stale. I'm not really sure which is better.)

Do any of you also have the feeling where you have the perfect idea in your head, but you just, for some reason, simply cannot find the right words to write with? This frustrates me to no end.