Comment #7670

Userpage: Corelis

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There is a simple answer to all of these concerns. Magic.

However, ordinary ice dragon magic should not help me to use a computer or play chess. Killing a planet of ninjas, that can be done by just about any ice dragon. All dragons blend all laws of physics simply by existing, and since probabilities are obviously a part of physics (otherwise, how would the ∞ Improbability Drive ∞ work, if I may ask?), we naturally blend probability too. Regarding watching ponies, that can be done by any living creature, no matter how cold their hearts may be. Celebrating Christmas, however, is what ties the first two points together.

You see, people usually wear Santa hats only on Christmas. A shocking revelation, I know. However, I wear a hat through the whole year... Why is that, you might wonder. Well, that is a secret most closely guarded, but since you've already started to ask suspicious questions, I might as well spill the beans. You would have figured it out by ourself in time...

You see, naturally I can't use my computer or a chessboard simply with claws. Trust me, I've tried, the results were not pretty. Unless you are into modern impressionistic art. One might call the resulting wreck "The Ephemeral Spiral of Cryogenically Manifested Frustration From Losing Constantly At Chess. With Some Computers Added." However, that is beside the point. Obviously, to use computers or chessboards, one needs precise control over small objects. How do I accomplish this? Telekinesis, of course. However, ordinary ice dragons can't use telekinesis, that would make us ridiculously overpowered. By now, you have likely already forgotten about my hat and how it ties to all of this.

Basic biology tells us that unicorns can use telekinesis. And it just so happened that my parents were very experimental. Such a relationship hadn't been seen in, well... ever. However, as a result, I'm a cross between an unicorn and an ice dragon (an ice-dragonicorn?), and to hide this embarassing fact (really, I'm certain my reputation is ruined now), I wear my christmas hat at all times. Yes, even in shower.

You might want to ask me, "why do you largely have the appearance of a dragon, and not an unicorn, if your're 50-50 ice-dragonicorn?" Well, once again, basic biology. Unicorn genes are recessive. Duh? I only have the horn, which is kinda a requirement for anything to be even a fraction of an unicorn. And it is safely hidden beneath my hat.

However, you did rise the very valid point of things freezing in my presence. However, we do know that heat is simply the movement of atoms. So, I can easily counteract that with some very, very precise telekinesis. If I shake every single particle around me properly, no problem. Learning to do that properly was a pain, though. I level-grinded endlessly, accidentally changed the climate of whole ecosystems twenty degrees warmer than they should be a couple of times when practicing, gave up and read a strategy guide and used a hack to increase my skills. Sweet victory.

And your mislead preconceptions of ice dragon behaviour are completely outdated and racist. We're a civilized society, I'll have you know. You're right about the diet, though. I simply have to go and eat some woodland animals every now and then, in the process accidentally leveling and devouring the inhabitants of a city or two, but oh well, if you're a dragon, collateral damage is pretty much in your lifeblood.

So, that's it. My explanation for all of your concerns. My god, I can't believe I actually wrote this. I'll go into my very own private corner of shame to think about what I just did for an hour or two. Bye.

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Oh dear YALORT...
It makes so much SENSE!

While I am very skeptic about your parents, your explanation has covered every void of doubt I have had up until this point! But there's one problem...

Were and always will be. They can't cook our burgers without mascaraing all the staff and the beef inventory!
I ain't about to let a suave talker like you blind me about 'dragon rights' and all that garglebubble.
I bet you couldn't let a batteryfly perch onto a recharge flower without burning the continent it lives on!
Take yer ice dragon rights garbage elsewhere, ya icy cool!