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Pseudolonewolf
5 years ago

Weekly Update

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Why hello there. It seems that I didn't write one of these last week... I suppose I've been trying to take a break from this site, and it's really helped me emotionally to be away from all the trolls and unwanted advice and teenagers and almost-all-male population and stuff... I've been feeling better than I have in a long time.

I've been making progress on Miasmon, slowly but steadily. There's still a lot to do though. I need to do quite a bit of art, still; like a dozen monster sprites, and as many *human* trainer sprites.
For that reason, I spent several days over the last week trying hard to get better at drawing humans, since I don't yet feel confident enough about my skills to be able to draw the trainer sprites... I think I'm getting better, but I don't have anything to show to demonstrate this!

I've also been wondering though about that other game I've had 'in progress' for a while now, called 'Chamaeleon'... It's a platformer that I started months ago, where you control a chameleon with a Yoshi-like tongue that can eat things and change its colour to gain new abilities. Like... when you're blue you can breathe underwater, being purple allows you to double jump, etc.
It's a pleasant enough game to play, if a bit on the plotless side.

It's almost done, though; moreso than Miasmon is. The only reason I didn't finish it months ago was because M  Firequill was supplying some graphics, but emotional stuff came up so we ended up just putting it off for a while... Seems that now I'll just be doing the graphics myself, though. Which is fine, I suppose.

The engine's fully done, as is all the music and stuff, so all I really need to do is make some levels, which shouldn't take all that long. I think I might devote the next week to working on that... which I know seems undesirable since more people want Miasmon than that, but it'd be nice to have this game finished and out of the way so then I no longer have to worry about it, and it'll be nice to have a brief break from Miasmon too. I mean, I AM nearing the end with Miasmon, but the stuff that's left to do is quite exhausting...

Anyway, yes, that. Maybe you'll get to see Chamaeleon before Miasmon, and then maybe Miasmon will be out mere weeks afterwards, which will be a first for me; two games released so close together.
41 Comments

on 21 Roots

41 Comments

tomechard
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I was on Kongregate.com recently and I tried to play my Mardek 3 file, but it had been deleted. I didn't mind so much, it was my own fault for staying away from the game for so many months, but about a week ago, I played through Mardek chapter 1 again to start over, I just found the time now to play again and my file won't show up in either Mardek 2 or Mardek 1 (which I had finished). What could be the problem?
Natry
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Have you deleted your cookies recently? I believe a Flash update made deleting your cookies delete your save files as well.
tomechard
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I don't think so, but thank you for your help. I think maybe I oughta try playing on this site and see if that works.
Kaluahmon
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Please do not take this the wrong way, It has taken me a long time to get the courage to post something. I am autistic so I have trouble picking-up social cues and tend to accidentally upset people when I meant well. I had an account on this site long ago when we were able to put our location in manually and you would get upset with us Americans for putting in our state rather than our country (I then put in Georgia since it is both ;)). I think I might have worked up the courage to post once or twice, but I left after a while because social interactions frightened me. Please forgive my rambling, but I wanted to say that I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks my entire life and feel for you. I know this does not really help since it does not fix anything, and in my experience with depression, most of the time advice giving and well-wishing makes things worse for me because it brings to the fore my frustration because it tends to show how much others do not understand what I am going through and the causes. Also, it is upsetting when my lack of positive response upsets the people who were trying to help. Again please forgive the run-ons; I am trying to type quickly before I decide to delete the entire thing. You will probably not like the next thing I am going to say, but for whatever it is worth, I know you are not Christian and I am not trying to convert you, but my faith in God and knowledge that he loves me and has a plan for me has been the only thing that has been keeping me going. It gives me a sense of inner peace during the stages where I am going through constant panic attacks and when the depression makes to a chore just to get out of my chair. For what little it is worth, I have been praying for you and will continue to do so.
Pseudolonewolf
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Yes, being given advice does frustrate me because of the person's lack of understanding and it just means that I have to try to explain things as best I can (which still is often ineffective), and I also feel that by swatting away peoples' helping hands just makes them upset... It's why I say I don't like advice; it's generally a wholly negative experience for me, and often for the one giving it too.

I can understand how religion can help you cope, since it does, at least in some modern forms, try to answer difficult questions to provide peace and happiness... I myself couldn't believe it though, because it's not like it's just a simple choice; if someone asked you to 'believe' that cows were bright green, or that all cheese came from the moon, or something, it wouldn't really be a matter of 'choice' as such; you'd probably be incapable of believing it due to conflicting knowledge, like memories of real cows or knowledge that cheese is made from their milk... You could try to tell yourself to believe it, but you'd know you were only lying to yourself.

I wonder though... and I say this even though it's the sort of thing that used to really irritate me when people said it to me, hmm... Have you ever had any kind of therapy?
Perhaps you have, but at your age, I never had. I used to be resistant whenever someone brought it up too, since it seemed like such a condescending thing for them to say to me, and I 'knew' that it 'wouldn't work for me' since I was imagining just lying on some chair thing while a bearded, bespectacled man asked me to tell him about my father or whatever. It seemed only useful for those who never did any introspection, or something like that.

However, currently I'd doing something called 'cognitive behavioural therapy', which is meant to essentially rewire the way that you think by teaching you new techniques and getting you to think in different patterns to what you might be used to.
It seems like it's having some effect for me... but then again, I wonder how much of it is just because I actually understand what's wrong with me now - before I used to worry because I didn't know what it was - and feel like I'm on the path to recovery just because I'm doing *something*. There's also the fact that I literally never go out, and spent many years just holed up in my room, but now I'm actually going out like... once a week... for an hour... which is still very little, but at least it's something.
So if you already go out or have friends or caring family members or things like that - if you go to a church, maybe you have plenty of support from other people - maybe it'd be less useful for you...

And of course it seems most people already start therapy at a much younger age than I did, so maybe you've already tried all this stuff. I know that 'CBT' doesn't work for everyone, so maybe you've just been one of those people...

Anyway, I know how difficult it is to live with these horrible things, depression, anxiety, panic attacks... They really limit things and make life hell at times. I just wish there were some easy, surefire way to overcome them completely.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment, especially if it was difficult for you, but I also cannot use the same 'helper' method that you do, I'm afraid.
ikiimoni
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ikiimoni 18 United States SanguineCholeric ENFP 6w5 33C
Honestly, there shouldn't be so many reasons to be depressed. Especially Trolls. People can be removed from this site and their comments should be able to be removed too. On abrighter note, Chamaeleon sounds like a fun game, and an idea for Pseudo is to make small games and continuously add more updates onto them. I hope to see the game out soon!
checktwitter
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Check your email, I may have signed you up for a couple of things...
rabidhura
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rabidhura 18 Indonesia SanguineCholeric ENFJ 223 80C
That sounds pretty much like kirby! :D Interesting!
fuzzykitty14
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I am glad you are feeling better. I confess to being rather worried about you, given how sad you were in your two preceding blog posts, which were then followed by a gap.

And I am terribly sorry that your own site makes you feel bad.
magic dorumon
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"And I am terribly sorry that your own site makes you feel bad."
I never saw Pseudolonewolf saying that he dislikes this site.
fuzzykitty14
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Reread the first paragraph of this very blog entry, and you'll see where I'm coming from there.
fighunter
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Just a question, if this website does indeed make you feel worse (because of the trolls, unwanted advice, and teens), then why do you keep going here?
Pseudolonewolf
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It is because I have invested a lot of time and effort into building it, and I don't have anywhere else to go where I feel comfortable. I am working on this, but for the time being I still come here.
Captainawesome
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tell me you've talked about feeling bad When near people you do not know and all of that. but what if you let Someone you know do it for you???

That would probably help you alot. or do you feel bad when you talk/write to people you dont know Even though they Are on the internet??? because then you would have problem's

but then again Everyone does have issues of their own. but say if you were to send someone else your Artwork/games/etc. to some one Who could either make Money out of it (without Ruining the Creation itself in any way) would you do that? i mean you could make a fanart For people Who Are Known to Many (heres an example) totalbiscuit/the Cynicalbrit would gladly Like an artwork of A blue Dragon Wearing a Tophat

he would Support your website. hell he might even support your website even if you didnt give him a fan art or a masterpiece. your british and so is He

but then again british People Dont exist (some random person: What?

have you ever seen a british Person before??? i havent... Therefore they dont exist
random Person:just because you have'nt Met One does not mean they dont exist

LOOK at the english Dictionary THE ENGLISH DICTIONARY!!!
all the words in there. are American!!!
Amazia
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Amazia 21 United States MelancholicPhlegmatic ISTP 5w6 51C
uhhh, hello? apparently you haven't looked at a world map recently. there is this one country called the United Kingdom... which contains BRITTAN! the reason your dictionary has American words is because you are in America (probably, even if you tag says Iceland, i don't completely believe it...) they probably wont put words in to an American dictionary that you wouldn't hear anyone use in any context in America ( even though most of the words are shared). As for the reason that he doesn't differ the site to someone else... its his site... If i were in his position I wouldn't give it up to someone else... or even share it. I for one wouldn't trust them to do their Job right, and I would feel like I would be abandoning my fans. In the future, please think and be considerate before you post things like this.
Captainawesome
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hahahahahahahaha man you really believed All of the words i said???

Some one apperantly Does not understand the meaning of Sarcasm ^^
DeNovo
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M β DeNovo 29 United States MelancholicSanguine INTP 5w4 69C
Technically, this qualifies as trolling. Please read the rules: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞

Going forward, please use correct spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. Do not make antagonizing statements, especially against Pseudo. Future acts of "sarcasm" will be met with infractions, or more severe punishment.
Captainawesome
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Sarcasm is not trolling.

if you Honestly Think Sarcasm is Trolling then there's Something wrong with you

And Psuedolonewolf is not gonna ban me. just because i accadently mispelled a little letter

like DUDD!!! WHY U SO MAD?!?!! Y U NO LIKE SANDWITCH??? ME HATE U!

infact trying to Threaten People that your gonna ask Psuedolonewolf to Report them is basicly Harassment. Wich is Acctually Reportable. So Dont say OMG UR NOT DOING SOMETHING I WANT I REPORT U!!!
LordPolpo
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Pseudolonewolf I am sure that no matter what game you finish first we will all enjoy it. thanks for all the work you do and for making us all happy. I hope you feel better soon.
Water1Wolf
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Water1Wolf 21 United Kingdom PhlegmaticCholeric INTP 952 42C
Yay games! I'm sure whatever you do will be appreciated when it comes out, even if some people go all 'I wanted the SILVER one not the WHITE one god I hate you now and no I can't swap it waaah my life is ruined T_T'. Chamaeleon sounds quite fun, even if it is plotless, sometimes simplicity works well too, so it's hardly a negative thing (which you seem to think of it as...) - I'd say most of the non-RPG games I've played and liked recently (and even a few RPG ones possibly) are plotless, or at least have a very simple plotline that almost counts as not being one at all... I'm babbling.

So I'll just conclude by saying don't worry about jumping around, because you can't work well on something creative if you don't feel like it (and your time is probably spent better elsewhere).
Shahan
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Shahan 23 United Kingdom PhlegmaticMelancholic INFJ 9w1 20C
I completely forgot about Chamaeleon! The idea of eating things to obtain different abilities is one I personally haven’t experienced but sounds great, making it another game I can’t wait for!

When I played Clarence’s Big Chance, I enjoyed the similarities and differences it had with Mario so I’m excited to see the similarities and differences this has with Yoshi.

In my opinion, whatever makes your work less exhausting would be more desirable and I myself am ecstatic to hear that two of your projects have made loads of progress!

Good luck and [insert generic “keep up the good work” comment here]!
GameZone
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Plus, it is kinda like Kirby as well, as not only was Kirby able to inhale enemies, but also gain the enemy's powers!
Shahan
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Shahan 23 United Kingdom PhlegmaticMelancholic INFJ 9w1 20C
Yes! I was actually thinking about Kirby as I typed my post!
Unfortunately, I am ashamed to say that I have never played a Kirby game before.
However, I am thinking Chamaeleon would be the game that would inspire me to do so!
Captainawesome
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Could also be nemo the dreammaster.

he found little animals. gave them some candy and then went to either ride on Them or Fuse with them