Blog Post

4 years ago

Feelings About People

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Personal
I don't clearly understand why Fig Hunter people seem to hate me so much these days, because I'm too scared to read the critical comments here (this is probably one of the many reasons)... I'm not the only one in the world who feels this way; apparently "don't read the comments!" has become a meme of sorts, and it's not difficult to find an abundance of articles like these, from others who write with an audience and who tend to avoid comments they get, or regret not doing so:
∞ LINK ∞
∞ LINK ∞
∞ LINK ∞
∞ LINK ∞
And so on and so forth.

Apparently I shouldn't be so thin-skinned, though; I shouldn't be so offended, and should drink the bile with a smile and use it to 'improve' myself or whatever. And yet the same people who say such things complain - almost in the same breath - about my own posts being 'tactless' and 'offensive'. Nobody likes the idea of altering their own attitude, but it seems so much easier to make demands.

"Why should I have to sugar-coat my words? YOU should grow a thicker skin! Also, stop saying you 'hate' things. It offends me."

(Interestingly, I'd been told one of the many things that people take issue with is how I so openly talk about how I 'hate' things. I didn't respond incredulously to this, because I know I do use that word more casually than others. However, I did a word search (Ctrl+F) for 'hate' on my blog posts for the last year... If you're curious, perhaps you should do the same; you might be surprised by what you find. I was.)

That's something I'd written about at length, as I was trying to understand exactly what it was that people disliked so much about the way that I ran the site... However, most of it seems irrelevant at the moment, as I feel that it might possibly be the recent bans that have earned me so much ire. I get the impression that many people saw them as unfair or something, because no matter how nasty each person was, or how deserved that ban was, then it was unfair and angering if that person happened to be their friend, or casual acquaintance, or even if they so much as recognised their name... or so it seems to me from my crystal throne atop Mount Olympus or whatever.

Perhaps people feel they came out of nowhere, or were harsh, or unfair, or undeserved, or whatever else. Perhaps they were friends with these people, and thought "well, he was nice to ME, so he didn't deserve to be banned!" Because, of course, you are the only one who matters; this person causing pain to the admin is irrelevant as long as you're happy, right?

As such, I become the villain, the tyrant, the bully... when my only intention was to make the place nicer for everyone.

I might have linked to this post before: ∞ LINK ∞
It talks about how online communities die as a result of hesitant moderation; if nobody removes the weeds from the garden, they infest the place, killing all the flowers, and eventually the garden itself as it ceases to be beautiful and appealing. Removing them the moment they become apparent is for the best, it says... though I've always found that difficult and always gave people 'infinite chances' even when they drove me up the wall. Perhaps it's the break from this normally lax moderation that made the event so striking and offensive and objectionable? That's the impression that I get. Other communities probably would have banned such people long before I did.

Perhaps comparing people to 'weeds' in this way is seen as horribly offensive too... I got the word 'weeding' from the garden analogy, by the way, but it does make those people sound unpleasant. But that's because they are unpleasant. So many people seem to speak as if everyone is a virtuous saint, an angel, and as if saying anything wrong against them is a grievous sin, intolerance of the highest order, completely unfair (and yet striking at me is fair game). Have you ever been bullied? Do you know anyone that you don't get along with? Do you get along with everyone? If you do, I'd wonder whether you're even human. Would you invite the people you dislike into your house? How long would you let them stay? What would they have to do before you considered throwing them out? Would they have to insult, criticise or argue with a few times? Many times? Constantly? Unceasingly? Even when you beg them to stop? What would it take for you to say 'this is enough, I want you to leave'? Would they have to trash your room? Smash your computer? Kill your dog? Cut off your arm?

There are abrasive people in the world who are all about criticism and argument, and they often make things uncomfortable for others. Imagine being invited to a party (an alien scenario for me, but anyway!), and you also bring along some guy you're casual acquaintances with... but he spends the whole time loudly arguing about the layout of the furniture with the party host. Would you feel embarrassed in that situation? How do you think others in the room would feel? Would they be enjoying themselves, do you think? Do you think it would be fair if he was kicked out? Would you feel it was unjust simply because he was your friend, or would you realise that improving the mood for everyone else is more important than allowing this uncomfortably obnoxious person to stay? Even if just the party host had an issue with him, would that be reason enough for him to leave? It's the host's house, after all, and the host put effort into that party and has nowhere to run to get away from this unwelcome intruder except away from their own home.

I really wish I could communicate that simple message to people... yet people seem to find it so hard to take in. D:
Everyone seems to turn a blind eye to the faults or transgressions of their friends while shooting me down for every slight mistake I make... They ignore abuse but crucify with pedantry.

Anyway... Can you imagine how painful it would feel if you built a community, ran it for a decade, tried hard to keep it up and running and to promote it, and spent years making some creative works that you released and which drew admirers to this community who joined as members... only to find out that the members, as a whole, hated you or, at best, had 'conflicting feelings' about you?

I can tell you that it's not a pleasant experience at all!

Perhaps I should have been more transparent about the bans when I issued them, providing reasons to explain my decision. I don't even know how much explanations would help though; if you are friends with someone, then why would you listen to me over them? Why would their 'criminal' actions matter above that friendship? I know that human minds don't work like that...

I do however want to make some attempt to explain, so then you might better understand my side of the story.

Firsly, !!  SaviorSephiroth. Perhaps this is common knowledge by now, and I'm not even entirely certain about the details myself because I was hiding away for much of it... but I'll try my best to explain. I don't want to make 'false accusations' or 'twist words' though; please try to understand that I'm trying to remember to the best of my ability with all of these descriptions, but I'm not infallible so I might get some things wrong. I'm not trying to.
Anyway. He was banned because he made a fake account that he used to play around with peoples' feelings; this account was supposedly a girl with a sob story about how she was homeless or some such thing and who, after keeping up the charade for months, sharing many PMs with people, ended up 'dying', evoking the sympathies of many people who had been on the emotional rollercoaster... After being banned, he continued to make fake accounts, presenting (badly) faked documents 'proving' the existence of his other puppets, such as a death certificate of that girl. Is that close to accurate?! It was something like that, anyway.
In the poll that I started to gauge opinions about all of these people, it currently looks like most people have a negative opinion of him (though this could of course change drastically before you read this!): ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
This is surprising to me, because I thought he was the one most people were upset about the banning of, since he was their buddy and they didn't really know what he'd done wrong.

Next is !!  SelfReferential, who is one of the most repugnant people I've ever had the misfortune of coming across, and who is largely responsible for my inability to read people's comments or the chatroom here, for my avoidance of my own website, and for a mental breakdown that left scars I'm still trying to recover from.
He was the sort who would question and criticise everything I ever said. Everything! He was convinced that I was on some kind of 'high horse' in every word that I wrote (rhyme or reason be damned), and felt that it was his moral duty to knock me off this and show me how I was mortal just like the rest. Painful, considering that I was only trying to enjoy myself on my own site, and I didn't exactly have a high opinion of myself. He also had really bizarre opinions and got enraged when I didn't bend to them, like insisting that I stopped using the word 'girlfriend' because he didn't like it, and arguing endlessly with me when I said I would continue to use it (or some such nonsense).
Oh, I also told him, repeatedly, that what he was doing - constantly 'kicking me in the shins', as I called it to him - was hurting me, tormenting me, and driving me mad, and his response to this was to argue further about how he was doing nothing wrong, how he had the right to criticise if he wanted to, how I was on a high horse for demanding I be immune to criticism (sigh!), and how I must provide objective logical evidence for 'why' he should stop, because apparently 'please, you are hurting me' was not reason enough. He offered me an 'apology' once that basically boiled down to 'I'm sorry you're such a wimp'.
Despite this, I tolerated him for literally years before finally getting rid of him, because I knew that people (for some reason incomprehensible to me) seemed to like him, even engaging him on multiple occasions and trying so desperately - with much, much pain - to understand how on earth his bizarre mind was working. When I finally did ban him, it was one of the most relieving things I've ever felt... Like letting a big, angry wasp out of my room, only thousands of times more potent of course (this analogy only works if you're the sort who, like me, would try and waft the wasp to a window or wait until it leaves of its own accord, and would be terrified of it stinging you the whole time, rather than the sort who'd kill it at first sight!)
According to the poll, most people like him: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
Why? How? It's like a knife through my chest.

Next is !!  Heiveldboy, who, in many ways, was very similar to the previous person. From what I gather, he was, again, one of those sorts who'd argue furiously and unceasingly at the drop of a hat. I was always hearing about how he was starting arguments in the chatroom or forum, just like with the other guy.
I accidentally invited him to the private site that I own when it was new, a couple of years ago, and I was looking for members to start it off. I didn't know him, but trusted what he said about himself; I think he said a place like that would be useful to him or something.
This turned out to be a bad decision, and it makes me wary and suspicious of every new person that I come across now, as well as reluctant to let people into my private sites unless I know them well enough.
While the purpose of that place was to have a nice little haven of understanding and caring, a healing reprieve from the battlefield that is Fig Hunter, he had no idea about how to provide supportive, emotional feedback at all. His response to a post where I talked about how much I liked Myers-Briggs and how useful I found it was to compare it at length to astrology and provide links that proved how flawed and useless a system it was, as well as accusing me of using it as a way to explain away my faults rather than dealing with them or some such thing. Supportive, right?! Sure to make one's mood soar. His other attempts to 'help' were much the same, full of oblivious criticism and clumsy advice that was neither asked for nor appreciated.
I thought that others found him hard to deal with too. His poll currently shows that he has mostly admirers: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
Another dagger.

Next is !!  Ratio. I barely know of him, but apparently my moderators found him intolerable. Yet another obnoxious, critical sort who turns everything into an argument and tells people how wrong they are all the time. Same old, same old. One of so many.
His poll shows admirers too: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞

I also know little about !!  Drake, the next in the list. Again I gather it was more of that same bad attitude, and my moderators agreed he was a bad influence. The way he handled his ban confirmed it; he was the one who wrote the thing I quoted the other day, with the highly condescending tone, and links to my private things that weren't meant for anyone's eyes yet, as well as tips about how to hack my site... written, of course, with a new account despite being banned.
While I'm glad most people aren't happy about him, even he, it seems, has admirers: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
That's sure to put a smirk on his smug little face. "I'm more liked than Pseudo!" That'd be impressive if only it weren't so easy.
I wonder what part of peoples' minds makes them ignore the obvious atrocities that these people commit, while pouncing on every 'offensive' word in the things I write and hating me for it. It baffles me.

Finally, there's !!  Frances, the transgender person I talked about recently. Apart from being generally combative and argumentative (is it any surprise that there's a pattern here?), she also apparently wrote many posts slandering me, calling me a 'transphobic bully' and such over one single argument that we had. She had a strong victim mentality and believed that I had something against her or something, and as such it was fair to openly have something against me on my own website.
She was finally banned when she publicly linked to one of my most private, personal thoughts that was not meant for public eyes, as I described recently.
Her poll looks like this: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
I know that I was not kind to her, but apparently her own prickliness and nasty words about me are ignored in favour of demonising me. It almost feels as if people are looking for reasons to hate me, to cheer for anyone who dares oppose the big bad evil tyrant...

And then finally there's that frustrating A β Pseudolonewolf guy. Me, the tyrant. I have made mistakes, and many of them, but I also made the site, and the games that people liked enough to visit it. I am the sole reason that most of you people know eachother at all. I'm the one who built the system people use to spew bile about me, and I'm the one who continues to pay to keep it up and running (are you aware that keeping my website up costs money?). I spend hours of every day (without pay) working on games that people will get to play for free eventually - just as they played my other games and use my site without paying a penny - or maintaining the website that you all use. I try so hard to maintain the peace, to do what must be done to keep the site running, and I try desperately to explain myself when conflict arises...
And this is how people feel about me: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞

As I look at that now, 6 people feel 'strongly negative' about me. Only one feels 'strongly positive'. By contrast, 6 feel 'strongly positive' about Heiveldboy, and 10 feel that way about Frances. Even Drake, who nakedly expressed sadistic joy at taking down my site, has more admirers than I.

To the people of Fig Hunter, I am worse than the people who broke me... and that just breaks me even more.

I ask you: how would you feel in my position? What would you do? What could you possibly do? Would you keep such a community going?

on 19 Roots



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NeonXP 27 Switzerland PhlegmaticMelancholic INTJ 631 35C
I suppose some people just aren't suited to this community? There are "Thinky" people and "Feely" people, and while it looks like Pseudo is skewed towards the latter, I think that some Thinky people are able to hold in their criticism and empathise with others.
I am INTJ but I know how to recognise what not to say to people to spare their feelings...

If you were wondering, the things that Pseudo "hates" is "conflict", "trolls", "arguing", "himself", and a few more words like that. Most blogs come up blank on the word hate. Now, just how many of those words seem unreasonable as a word to hate...?

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!!  L 23 Canada PhlegmaticCholeric ENTP 777 36C
RIP SaviorSephiroph. He was an old friend of sorts. Shocked to come on here and see this has happened. Sephiroph if you see this try to contact me.

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You still seem to be unable to describe the situation with Frances in a way that doesn't trivialize your treatment of her and exaggerate her treatment of you, but that's not really relevant to what you're doing. It's good at least that you're reaching out to the community and looking for answers here and all that.

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Vekel 22 United States CholericMelancholic INFP 8w7 41C
Being a new member, I don't really know these people. But I have done some digging, some searching...I can agree with you completely. They all needed it.

As a Stoic, I believe the soul is unified and that all our actions are rational, even when drugged/intoxicated/whatever. It's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to consider all the possible outcomes of your actions. It's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to accept the consequences. If you steal a diamond and get caught, your fault. If you steal a diamond and get away with it, good for you. These people tripped up when they attacked you. It is NEVER right to hurt someone else's feelings. If you do that, you open yourself up to the consequences of your actions.

Same goes for you, Pseudo. While to you it seems like you administered the right punishment (ban) for the crime (viscious attacks), the 'criminal' (like frances or self) could lie through their teeth and make you look like the criminal. Don't let them do that. this is YOUR site. YOU own it, YOU can do whatever you want with it! Ban whoever you want. You hold a lot of power here; enjoy it.

I do have 2 suggestions, by the way.
1-Make comments on your profile page not viewable from the community page, and make them and PMs deletable. If you want to read a comment so badly, look for it. Also, that'll cut down on the RAM use of the server; I'm not that good with tech, but if you're saving EVERY PM EVER sooner or later you're gonna hit the proverbial ceiling. Might also save you some money.
2-Take the time to see the good of this place. Your presence here seems to affect the majority of people here. If you only see the bad, you'll only feel bad. Maybe even join in an RP in the respective section of the chatroom? Those are fun! :D?

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Hello, I'm a new member and never have I seen a developer interact with his fanbase in such a way. This all seems like way to much of a mess, someone really needs to step back and take a good long look at the whole thing and think, hey! This needs to stop! Just delete everything, go back to developing, and only interact with updates with the odd interview or "my view" every now and again. Remember that the internet is a crowd, pretend your sitting in front of millions of people, what would you say? Would you say "Hey crowd of people, tell me what you think of me!" no, because it's a crowd of people, it has no opinion because it has all opinions, that crowd thinks your an excrement spewing faggot, it also thinks your a wonderful unicorn who dispenses muffins. It's full of humans and probably a few highly intelligent animals. Just go back to developing and find other sources for your emotions. I haven't read half of this but I can already see that it is an unprofessional, informal, blog type thing that has nothing to do with the games, and as a customer and a stranger I am turned away.

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I suppose the reason why your opinion on those people is so low compared to that of the rest of the community is because you perhaps mostly only saw their worst sides. I suppose that most everyone has traits that they can be liked for or hated for with a good reason. When interacting with some people in some kind of environment, the hateable traits surface the most. In some other environment, with some other people, the admirable traits shine through.

Likewise, with your (understandable) lack of presence in here, mostly you only appear when there is unrest and conflict, which naturally doesn't bring out the best in you. Thus, mostly we don't get to see your positive traits, and as such, it is easy to form a negative opinion based on the negative sides we get to see.

Surprisingly many people have at least something of a balance of admirable and loathesome traits, even those whose good sides one never gets to see. We have interacted with those people who got banned a lot more than you did - we got to see their positive sides as well, and perhaps understood the negative sides better. As such, it is quite understandable that the majority would say they like those people better than the one person who only appears when something has gone wrong (not that it is his fault), and about whom we hear only second-hand information, which is usually something only people with negative stories to tell bother sharing. People hardly bother telling about how they had a nice conversation about the weather with someone, but they will talk about them hurting their feelings deeply.

I don't think anyone is to blame about a difference in what people get to see. It would be the best to understand and accept that people make their judgments based on what they get to see, and anyone's judgments can be based on lacking information. I suppose nobody really ever sees the big picture in its entriety... It is not their fault, they are simply working with what they have, and nobody should blame them for that.
Nathan Graves

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The problem from the beginning is that sometimes, even constructive criticism was considered 'sharp and hurtful', in comparison to those remarks that are truly did say so.

I can tell that a fair amount of people want the best for you, but instead of improving, you just find those negative remarks and pull them out, show them to the public and just go "THIS IS WHY I CAN'T CHANGE. SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHING SO I CAN'T PROGRESS."

Some people care, some people don't. But they're not the problem right now. A lot of people care for you, please see that over the 'bullying and harassment' of the other people here.

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I will try to keep this short: I don't consider how people conduct themselves in chat. If I did, I would probably want everyone's favorite people banned, because I don't like the whole environment of chat, generally.

As for the forums, I enjoy variety. I thought Hyvee and Self added that in a not-overly-destructive way. I didn't see them engage in personal attacks really. Hyvee a little when he got emotional, but he would correct himself when he calmed down.

Ratio and Drake on the other hand I perceived as frequently insulting.

Frances... well, Frances had her own thing going on. If you could get her on another topic, she did fine. That's how I felt about it anyway.

That being said, I'm saying this only for A β Pseudolonewolf 's understanding of one other perspective. The end of my perspective is that he can do whatever he wants and ban whomever he wants, even me, and I don't really care. In the future, some transparency, like this post shows, right away, might go a long way, I think. Hopefully there's never a need.

I wish everyone would just shut up about this and that the half dozen active members would go back to reluctantly discussing things of my own interest. But, free will and all that.

P.S. check out how the polls have shaped out.

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anakin123 19 Belgium MelancholicPhlegmatic INFJ 459 282C
I'll write it in the same format as you did:
Self: I don't know him, can't judge him, but what I see, he might just have not liked you and liked everyone else.

Heiveld: I won't go say you're wrong, nor will I say you're right. I've heard/seen/read many people say Heiveld improved a lot over the course of the last months, and doesn't fit the picture you painted anymore.

Ratio; Didn't deserve it. In my opinion. That's all.

Drake: was a troll and a sadist, we all know that, and those who don't should open their eyes. In your list, he was 1 of 2 whom I see were correct to be banned.

Frances: People are looking for reasons to hate you, that's no illusion (God knows why, cause I don't, but oh well)
I can't judge about this one either, seeing as him... her, whatever, being banned is probably one of the biggest joys I've had lately (that's pathetic, I know). She got banned due to private things (the way I see it) and thus, I deem it fair if you do too.

I haven't mentioned Seph, people know how I feel 'bout that. I won't flare that up again.
Mind Flux

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If I was really in your position, what would I do? If I started an online community and most of the members are critical and anti-emotional people who say that the solution is to change an intrinsic part of myself or leave the site I've created as a home for myself and others, I would consider taking down the site. I know this isn't an ideal solution, but it's what I would personally do. Why bother keeping a venue for people who make my life worse open, just so they can continue to do so? Of course this is just in my hypothetical situation; it would be harder to shut down Fig Hunter since people including myself have such fond memories of it.

But what are the alternatives? Leaving the site and only keeping it open for people who openly disagree with and dislike you? Staying and explaining yourself only to be further mocked and criticized? I think you and a lot of members really need fresh starts, so maybe you could close this site and open a new one in a few months. If you just keep in touch with people you trust and the enjoy the company of here, while giving enough time between closing this site and opening the next one, it could be a pleasant community. Of course some members are bound to follow you along to the next site, and you don't want to ban people just because they don't fit in with the community you want to have (because a lot of people here fit that description currently), but you could have a conversation about how they are expected to treat members and so on.

Anyway, I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do. You've gotten a lot of what I see as undeserved criticism for a while now and I admire you for still trying to reach out and explain yourself to these people. Of course there are many people who still treat you in the same way, or worse, because of this, which really upsets me, but no where near the amount it must upset you.