Blog Post

17
Pseudolonewolf
4 years ago

Ugh

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalRanting The Site
How would you feel if you spent several days of non-stop hard work - and got a pounding headache out of it - on something that you felt really proud of, and eventually gave out to people completely for free, and several of them simply said, in response to your gift, "it's awful, I hate it"?

I feel sick.

I understand that not everyone would like everything I ever do, but the sheer blunt tactlessness of peoples' comments doesn't even attempt to take into account how I'd actually feel about their words.

Always from T types, of course...

I wish I'd never bothered. So much for this reworking of the site making me feel better.

Even if people make 'fair points' in their aggressive criticism of my work, I'm not eager to listen to them or cater to their wishes if they express their dissatisfaction so harshly.
32 Comments

on 18 Roots

32 Comments

Sunflower
21

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(that's the lengthy post mentioned in that comment: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞ sent as a new one because of characters limit; oh woe!)

The messages window is open again. Yay!

Anyway, what I see happening here and there is a terrible miscommunication. Essentially, it feels like users here and Pseudo speak entirely different languages, which share quite a few words, but while in one language they seem perfectly right, in the other they are extremely offensive.

So first, for Thinky 8w7 people, who are the source of all evil and such, myes!
...which they aren't, but without that world would be much more bland!!1

Anyway, I've just noticed in behavior of one chatters that they seemed focused only on information, and not on how it's delivered. Like, for them some people were "just expressing opinions", without really mentioning how they were delivered. It felt like for such kind of person "this layout completely sucks, you should change it to the old one" and "I'd rather you kept the old layout, since I don't find the new one pleasing" would be pretty much the same, because it conveys the information that commenter didn't like the new scheme and would like the old one back.
I don't know whether they'd indeed find such comments pretty much the same and if that applies to most so called Thinkers, but that's the impression I've got. Maybe that's why they don't put an effort to make the comment softer, more polite etc.; since it's not as important as the information they want to convey and rather unnecessary. Which in fact is not true at all, and when you're doing it like that, you're not helpful!

Please, when you're about to write comment like that, think about it: do you want to just express something you find correct, or do you want Pseudo to acknowledge that? If the latter, please put some effort into what you write and make it as easy to accept as possible. Otherwise it's like, I don't know, sending a message using protocol CHLT v8.7 to receiver operating on SENINT 4.5 (uhh... yes, I've just started a semester on a telecommunication specialty. Hello! ^-^). Or in other words, the information you want to send is lost due to the improper way you wrote it (where "improper" means "unacceptable by Pseudo").


Now turn for A β Pseudolonewolf: I can't really say that you should ignore all those hurtful comments and move on, since it's not like you can just switch your mind to another pattern of thinking; that would be like trying to fly by pulling your legs up with your hands. However, I can see why some people might find your responses rather unpleasant or hostile, especially those sarcastic remarks.
I suppose that you can't easily just ignore what has been written to you and hurt you, and once those negative feelings reach you, you need to express them somehow. However, when you vent those on the person who caused them, they'll return it with even greater force, thus continuing the vicious cycle, which will further exhaust you. Not to mention that in such state you might say things easier to misunderstand, which don't help at all!

I don't say that you should completely keep it all to yourself, but maybe you could share them with only a few people who would be more understanding and supportive? Maybe that way you could calm down and soften those negative feelings without provoking more hurtful posts? >.<


Back to all those 8w7 (no, it's not like find all of them to be "evil" ones or that only those make the hurtful remarks; I just want their paragraphs to have some visual indicator). While Pseudo himself might respond with too much bitterness or some sort of hostility, it doesn't mean that you're entitled to write it in similar manner. Keep in mind that it's only one Pseudo you deal with, while he must read comments of you all, plus many, many people who just want to kick him I-won't-tell-where, figuratively speaking!

He has spent some time working on reworking the website, which in itself is rather a lot of work to do, and now people are complaining in more or less sensitive way, which is rather disheartening as well. It's not like I'll go and call all of you who expressed their dislike for new scheme "vile monsters" or something like that; not everyone can be pleased and those remarks were rather unfortunate than spiteful.
Removing "negative" features is another thing; you might miss them, but you can't demand Pseudo to keep them. It's his site, and he has right to shape the demographics in a way he finds favorable.
(and besides, I'm a lazy mod and I don't want to deal with blurbs abuse and FLIGS abuse ^_^')

But yes, what I actually wanted to say; he has spent energy on the alternate version of the site, on reading comments in which people essentially tell him that this effort was wasted, and quite possibly on answering to aforementioned comments. After all that he probably is rather exhausted, and making him spend more energy on comments in which he finds that he's wrong, he's feenkist (a person discriminating based on Thinking/Feeling spectrum) or that he's just a horrible, horrible person is NOT a wise idea! Also, if you keep "criticizing" him, and in a rather blunt manner at that, it's rather likely that his responses will be absolutely snarkastic; as it generally happens for people who are in a horrible mood, completely tired and constantly pestered about various things.

I don't want to say that Pseudo is "right" about him being rather bitter and unpleasant in some of his messages, but you should keep in mind that it's harder for him to come up with tactful and considerate responses with tens of rather blunt comments, than it is for you to write one comment which wouldn't sound so harsh or demanding.


On the other hand, A β Pseudolonewolf, I don't really like how sometimes you use personality models; specifically, associate some traits you dislike with personalities different than yours. I've noticed that it led to excluding people from "your" categories because they were not really like you, or perhaps not how you imagined certain traits to be shown. While it's rather possible that people might misinterpret their personalities, telling them that they don't seem like that at all isn't a good idea, either. O.o'

You often said that personality models aren't supposed to describe the person as a whole, and it doesn't contradict the statement that "every person is unique like a snowflake". However, when you see people with similar temperaments/MBTIs/enneagram types who don't seem like-minded, you can rather openly state your doubts about what they have set or even accuse them of choosing the wrong type. I don't know what about others, but I myself don't really like when someone assumes that my personality is different than what I think it is, especially if I had little contact with said someone. Besides, if I remember, someone insisted that you're choleric/melancholic narcissist or so, and you weren't exactly pleased, were you?

Please, try to refrain from that, or at least share your doubts with someone else (yay, gossip!!1); such questioning of people's personality, especially those you aren't really familiar with, might cause unnecessary tension and conflicts, and you're not here to argue! Besides, such discussions are just draining and cause you to get more and more negative outlook on things, which perhaps is the reason you get more judgmental and faster to question one's personality, making things even worse. ;-;


Also, about Thinkers in general (INTP, ESTJ and many others who I won't mention since those two already serve their purpose as visual indicator), rather than Template Evil Choleric Thinker of 8th Type: I can see why you don't really like the direction this site takes, as well as the general Pseudo approach. However, please keep in mind due to various circumstances the people he was exposed to were mainly Thinky, so he's rather fed up with them, so to speak; on the other hand, he didn't really have much contact Feelers, which he needs more *right now*.
It's like, when you constantly have to eat bananas you start to hate them and feel like they're toxic to you, even though you'd otherwise like them very much. It's also possible that you'd react with vomitting when someone would offer you a banana. No wonder that you'd like to finally get some oranges. Or something. O.o'
Or blackcurrant juice. I really like blackcurrant juice!

Uh, anyway, what I want to say is that the least helpful thing to do would be trying to shut Pseudo with a ban... I mean, ignoring what he asks for and giving him advices or sharing "the brutal truth" etc.; alternately make a loudy campaign about healthy values of ba... err, I mean, stating angrily that he stereotypes Thinkers and that they're not all the same. Since deep down inside he doesn't hate bana... Thinkers, it's just that he would like other kind of people's presence for a change.

Besides, keep in mind that despite him describing himself as Feely, he's still intellectual to an extend and he doesn't have this 5th wing without a reason!!1 So it's quite possible that if he rests for a while from "Thinkiness", he might get back in the mood for engaging in such sort of discussions, as he previously did.


And the final note to A β Pseudolonewolf: I hope I wasn't too mean in previous comments or so. ^^' It's just that I'm aware how such conflicts are draining and unhealthy for you and I suppose you'd rather avoid them as well. The thing is, apparently you aren't really a natural and skilled conflict avoider (as 9s generally are, myes!!1) and somehow tend to step right into all this [I can only get my point across by bananas]. I don't want to say that you're to *blame* for that or that it's "also your fault", since I'm not in position to make such judgments neither I find them useful. So please, try to express your feelings and thoughts in a way or to those who won't make an argument of it. ^^'

AND FOR ALL OF YOU!
Please be nice!
Use language nicely!
Share! Elaborate! Dig deep into your mind and soul!!1!1
...and so on. ^^'
Pseudolonewolf
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I read all this and it's nice of you to have taken the time to write it; I just hope that a few people see it and take notice of it.

Of course, it'd be silly to not be one of those people, and you did address me directly, so...

Normally I do actually vent on my private, invite-only introvert site thing; I say a whole lot more there than I ever do in replies to things here.
Though it'd be nice to actually have friends to talk to, to have a two-way exchange with rather than just writing into thin air all the time, venting to myself...
The fact that I don't really have close friends is probably why I get so easily frustrated; there's a constant flow of 'bad energy' to me but barely a trickle of 'good energy'... or something like that.

I always deeply regret it whenever I write irritated replies to comments that rub me the wrong way... Usually I feel strong anxiety and fear whenever I get a reply to my frustrated reply, and often avoid reading them because, well, conflict isn't something that I like at all.

But at the same time, I feel this great desire to explain things all the time, and I try to do that in my comments... My poor mood shows through sarcasm or things like that, but - I hope this is accurate - every time I do write such a comment, it does try to explain something rather than just being, say, some raw insult meant purely to attack someone. Or something.

I always regret it, but sometimes I'm so frustrated that I do it anyway... I know I shouldn't and that nothing good comes of it.

This need to explain things - coupled with a desire for things to be 'right' in a 'straightening crooked pictures' kind of way - is what leads me to questioning peoples' personality type choice things.
I know that this can be annoying, even insulting, but I do it because I generally feel that I'm often the one who introduced the people to the systems, so I know more about them than they do and want to pass on my knowledge.
Rather than assuming that they don't know themselves, I assume that they don't understand the systems. and that I might be able to change that.
As such, it seems different to people accusing me of being choleric, when I was the one who introduced them to and did all the writing about the temperaments system in the first place.

Of course, I'm aware that while those are my reasons for doing that, it doesn't necessarily mean that the unfortunate 'victim' of my questioning doesn't feel bad about it...
Still, I suppose as a 4, I'm very 'protective' of my own types, and when someone essentially wears several badges saying that they're the same as me but evidence suggests that they're not, or they say things that completely contradict key traits that their types are supposed to possess (like a supposed 9w1 being really aggressive and trollish, for example), then I do get incredulous and want them to take off the badges because they're inaccurate...

It's sort of like some pale, red-haired, freckled young person calling themselves a 'Maori' because they don't really know what that means... Wouldn't you want to ask them why they think they label themselves as such?!? ...Maybe not. Maybe it's just me.

Again, though, I do most of my commenting about such people on my introvert site thing; it's rare that my incredulous thoughts actually lead to questioning people directly.

I'm not going to say that I'll stop doing it, because my urge to 'straighten crooked pictures' and to generally educate is so strong, but I do at least want to say that I'm aware that it is annoying to be on the receiving end of...
Still, while it is indeed annoying, one of us would come out of the exchange wiser; either me because I'd understand them - and the types, too - better, or them because they'd understand the system better and how to type themselves more accurately.

I do hate conflict so much, but you're right that as a not-9, I'm not exactly great at avoiding it. I just don't have the same level of, well, tolerance as someone like you due to my deep-rooted wiring as a 4w5...
coreyj
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I'll try to phrase this as well as I can, so please forgive me if it is a bit blunt...I definitely don't intend it to be!

Pseudo, I completely understand your desire to explain things. I also understand the feeling that you understand the system better than someone else, because you introduced it to that person. I very well understand that the two above feelings (correct me if I am wrong!) create a desire to question if someone correctly discerned and designated their personality type in the event that their behavior appears contradictory to their choice. I have experienced both of those feelings before, if only on different subjects.

However, I have had the opportunity to notice something that I think you might not realize. Why do I think you don't realize this thing, you ask? If you don't mind, I'll take a paragraph from the comment I'm replying to, in order for you to understand the basis for my assumption (again, correct me if I am wrong!):

"It's sort of like some pale, red-haired, freckled young person calling themselves a 'Maori' because they don't really know what that means... Wouldn't you want to ask them why they think they label themselves as such?!? ...Maybe not. Maybe it's just me."

First of all, yes, I would want to ask them why they label themselves as such. It isn't just you. However -- to get back to my point --, (don't take this in an accusing way) I have noticed that you don't always do it as such. Ask, that is. I cannot cite any posts/comments for support, but I have noticed that sometimes/oftentimes, you forget to ask. You may accidentally miss that step and straight-out accuse the person. I am mentioning this because I do not think that you realize that is what you are doing (correct me if I am wrong!).

For example, instead of "Why do you call yourself a Maori?", you might accidentally say "I don't think you are a Maori." Many people, I believe, would find this accusing, and may take offense at it. (As always, correct me if I am wrong!) This, I think, leads to escalation and anger, and quickly becomes a problem. After all, what would be your reactions to the first question, and the latter statement? Are they (your reactions) different?

Of course, many of the people you end up inadvertently accusing are people who have responded negatively and aggressively to one of your posts or comments. Because of this, you are (correct me if I am wrong) probably frustrated and unhappy, so you do not realize that you are phrasing your question in a...provocative way.

I don't think that you do this always, but I'm not completely sure. And, yes, the people you question most likely did set their personality incorrectly. However, sometimes they may have just phrased their opinion badly. Everyone, eventually, ends up communicating their view badly at one time or another -- this is the Internet, after all, where tone and diction are near-nonexistent. Sometimes, it in unavoidable due to the subject matter covered. But, oftentimes, it is just accidental, I think.

I don't mean to label you as a hypocrite, or an aggressor, or challenge your personality designations. I don't mean to say that you don't realize what you are typing, or that you don't read over your posts. And I apologize if this post just re-states something you have already mentioned in your above comment. I just intend to point-out something I feel that you may not realize, or recognize.

After all, you have stated many-a-time that phrasing and word choice is important to how a point is received. Maybe everyone, including you, should carefully watch for the unintentional potential to offend.

Please, forgive me if this post seems to be blunt and/or insensitive. I really do not intend it to be. I would read this over one more time to check my phrasing and word use, but unfortunately, I am running out of time to write this. So, please, do not take offense at this comment. None is intended. And, as I have stated before, please, please correct me if I am mistaken in any regard.

(I'm sure that I must have missed one or two points down the road due to interruptions, but I cannot really add them now...)
crazycolorz5
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crazycolorz5 19 United States MelancholicCholeric INTP 5w4 126C
"The fact that I don't really have close friends is probably why I get so easily frustrated; there's a constant flow of 'bad energy' to me but barely a trickle of 'good energy'... or something like that."

I've been feeling almost the same as this recently!
I feel like I don't really have many close friends, like, I used to but now they're gone. And let me say that if you make a slightly offensive post, I probably won't get offended, due to me just generally being "thinky" and also because I can understand from these blog posts.
NeonXP
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NeonXP 27 Switzerland PhlegmaticMelancholic INTJ 631 35C
Actually, after having exploring the sunlit website for a little while, I've gotten used to the colour scheme. Overall, it turns out to be a nicer feel than it's dull, dark, predecessor.
Please don't feel too bad about the comments in general! I know that it's not in your nature to take it lightly at all, but the best of us support you anyway!
I love the small details such as the "D:" which appears when no-one's yet appreciated a post.
I hope you get better soon... :)
Sunflower
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I just want to write a rather lengthy comment for about everyone, so could you all please stop criticizing each other and escalating the conflict, at least until I write it? Thank you in advance. >.<

(uh, and Pseudo, could you please wait a bit with your responses, too? I don't want to say that you don't have right to defend yourself or whatever, but I'm afraid that in the end it might not end well; and besides, that would be, like, applying double standards, or something. Please, just for now... :< )

Thank you all in advance and please wait until I edit that post. ^^'

--- EDIT ---

This post turned out too lengthy, and thus I sent it as a separate one, there: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞

Also, I had to make quite a few cuts. Apparently I sacrificed some substantial points for the sake of keeping The Great Banana Theorem intact. That's the sort of person I am, yes. O.o'
Noisemaker
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I'm only curious, did you see it coming Pseudo, or were you genuinely surprised about said tactlessness?

As for the lumping...well...it just goes back to the whole personality type attachment I spoke of earlier. I always thought of it as a scam of sorts, broad, general flattery. I don't make judgement of people based on those. I wonder if one could learn to do the same, or is it just me...

I can't really say much about the site improvements in terms of aesthetic. I like the new forum system, I dislike the loss of blurbs to an extent. I remember using the term bland before, but hey, you're less into the spice of life than I, so I can see why you did what you did.

Pseudo, lumping and generalizing people is criminal here. I do it, you do it, but that doesn't make it right. I think, while it may be toxic here, maybe spending more time in chat, getting to know us individually, could hurt, but could help too. It might avoid scenes and spats later on. Then again...you probably tried that and got flooded with too many new members to get to know. xD

Oh well...keep banging, I guess...
BRainnoVa
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BRainnoVa 22 Germany PhlegmaticMelancholic INTP 5w6 4C
Actually, I do not know how anyone might get the idea this site is too bright. Before writing this comment I checked the sites I usually visit and found only one with colors similar to the colors of the old fighunter (newgrounds.com). Every other site is as bright or even brighter than this one.
On the other hand I can unterstand how people might have problems to read the texts, even though I dont have this problem myself.
All in all I think this redesign is good work and it is in the nature of some people to instinctively dislike the New. But given enough time these people will eventually get used to it.
Zuriki
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Are you sure you're looking at the new site? (sunlit.fighunter.com)
The regular domain (www.fighunter.com) is not the redesign. Newgrounds has never, to my knowledge, had a layout that was near-white.
BRainnoVa
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BRainnoVa 22 Germany PhlegmaticMelancholic INTP 5w6 4C
I am looking at the new site and I talked about the colors of the old fighunter in this part.
michaelao
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This new site looks great! I really like how you removed the FLIGS system, since lots of people were probably afraid of getting a negative FLIGS and didn't post anything. The new hearts make it seem much more welcoming! In my opinion, the colour scheme is a bit on the bright side, but whatever works for you, right? I think that maybe a light green colour scheme would look better, though. Maybe give it a try?
themiragechild
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For people's whose eyes hurt, I suggest ∞ f.lux ∞, for the rest of you, be quiet. You can still access the other site (albeit, a rather messed up version of the "old site), and I completely understand your "criticisms" about the new site, but this is something Pseudo believes is better for the site. You might not like it, I might not like it, you might love it, I might love it; it doesn't really matter. He's not being "selfish," he worked hard and did what he thought was good for the site. Done.

This I Like and Dislike About the New Design:
  Spoiler for Raining Peacocks:


The above spoiler contains stuff that you may or may not want to read. Proceed with caution. Wonderful site, keep on going.
Dator Sojat
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Wow, I've never heard of f.lux before, but looking at it, it seems like a really good idea. Especially for people like me that stay up on the computer. Which is probably why I need glasses....
On a more related note, poor advice below regarding the new site (pseudo, I know how much you dislike advice, so please don't click)
  Spoiler for Probably a Bad Idea:
Kenji
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I'm not fond of you throwing all "T" types into same pot and treating them like a pest. Just because there's a "T" in the Myers-Briggs type, it doesn't mean we're machines or can't have intense feelings. It also doesn't mean we're rude or constantly searching for arguments. In fact, if someone says "Kenji, stop", I'll do that. I hope you have the same ability despite being soo different. That would also make the atmosphere less toxic. Thanks.
Pseudolonewolf
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Well thank you for providing the sort of hurtful reply that makes this place difficult for me and makes me lump people into that one group in the first place.

You may well stop when asked, but it's the things that you start in the first place that can be difficult for people like myself.

I don't doubt that T types have feelings themselves; they just seem less likely to take the feelings of others into account when interacting with them, which, as an emotionally sensitive and easily hurt person myself, gets difficult to bear when I'm subject to the same things over and over and over again for years in large quantities. My distaste for such things has grown steadily over the years and didn't just come out of nowhere.

I don't have the option to leave this place like others do if they don't like it, so all I can do is beg people to stop.

Another thing that I want to point out is that I don't think that there's anything wrong with being a Thinker. I don't hate all Thinkers, but the people who cause me distress tend to be Thinkers.
So all lemons are fruit, but not all fruit are lemons. That kind of thing.
themiragechild
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themiragechild 22 United States PhlegmaticMelancholic INTP 9w1 90C
A reply! You might not like it, so you don't have to click. In fact, I advise not to.

  Spoiler for Rainbow Poop:


Thanks, again for all the wonderful things you've done for us.
Kenji
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It's hypocritical to claim that a certain group of people is assertive, judgmental, cold, rude, argumentative and then say: "See, that's why I called you so in the first place." when they start defending themselves.
That mere claim in itself is assertive, judgmental, cold, rude and argumenative. Did you think about the feelings you induce others with this claim? And if so, which conclusion did you reach? What other reactions did you expect to numerous hateful blog posts?
I've been a member for more than two years and I've never critizised you before, but your hate really seemed to have gone overboard lately. Maybe it would be a good idea to direct that hate differently. Hate wood and then chop it, if that's what helps you.
Also, you fail to beg people to stop if you're attacking them in the same breath. That's not how it works. It's utterly disrespectful. You even encourage them to go on. So much for psychology.
themiragechild
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themiragechild 22 United States PhlegmaticMelancholic INTP 9w1 90C
Another reply. tl;dr Please be more tactful in the future.

  Spoiler for Purple Monkey Dinosaur:
Kenji
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While I completely agree, I'm as tactful as I get treated.
BRainnoVa
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BRainnoVa 22 Germany PhlegmaticMelancholic INTP 5w6 4C
I would say his original post would be fine, if it wouldn't be for the last three sentences (if you count "Thanks." as a full sentence). Everyone reading this blog should realize saying: "I hope you have the same ability despite being soo different." to persons like Pseudolonewolf is indeed very rude.
(whoops, I didnt see Pseudolonewolf already did a blog post about this conservation)
smurfton
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The fun part about all this is that while your arguments may be logical, the response is driven by an emotional reaction...
Data9795
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Well, all that I can say is that I'm sorry that you feel this way. I must say, upon entering this new site, my eyes burnt, but that was because of passing from deep-dark chocolate to... this light, soft white/grey scheme, that I actually like.

I do understand that not everything is finished yet, so things looks a bit blunt, but... I like this place, and hope you keep it this way. It looks relaxing, and more friendly. Good work, Pseudo, good work.
JonTowne11
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I agree with Wolf. I haven't been around for the same amount of time but I feel that it would be ok for Pseudo to be selfish. In fact I encourage you to do so Pseudo. This is YOUR website, a place you've carved out for yourself and it is ok for you to do what you want with it.
I've been following your progress since I saw the first Mardek game released on Kongregate and I was immediately drawn in by the unique atmosphere. Your audience has grown and the members have changed but I want you to know that the reason I keep checking in is to check on YOUR progress not the rest of the schmucks that wander around with nothing better to do than bash other people. This is your place and I don't particularly care about the rest...
I've gotten carried away. I apologize for getting aggressive, I meant no offence to the schmucks of course. Pseudo, my point is that you are the most important feature to this website have confidence, we may be often silent but there are still those who support you.