. . .
4 years ago

Birthed A

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalSpecial Days
It was my birthday yesterday, and I turned 26. This is a scary thought! One that I won't elaborate on, but I felt the need to mention it anyway. Yes. I'm now going to write a more interesting post about games development though!!1
4 years ago

AFC Progress!!

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
I've been neglecting this place recently due to schoolwork, real life concerns and the drama that seems to have been going on here, but I am posting now to show that I've not abandoned the place or anything!

I also have some news relating to my frustratingly delayed games that I still totally make!!

I mostly finished what's now called 'Alora Fane: Creation' months ago, but I've been held back by the story since then; I've written about this before, I think. However! I've now FINALLY decided on enough details to start work on the plot properly, and since all the resources already exist, it's merely a matter of assembling them into something playable. By which I mean that a release is HOPEFULLY close!

It's a shame to think that the community and renown I'd built up following MARDEK has become so fractured and dramatic over the last few years, due to my own personal problems, the shifting attitudes of the site, and the fact that I've gone so long without producing any games... I took about this long between MARDEK 2 and 3, but I think I actually TALKED about games during that time, whereas I've said little here about my development recently despite the fact that it's been very much happening.

I'm thinking about changing that... Perhaps I'll write in depth about the process of development, and the frustrations and challenges that need to be overcome and such, which would of course include showing off finished assets or at least hints of what's to come.

I'd like to write about my work like that, and if people would find it worthwhile, I'll certainly give it some thought. I make no promises however, since I don't know whether I can spare the time, what with all my schoolwork and real life concerns and game-making and such!
4 years ago

Thoughts about Fig Hunter

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Personal
I know there's been a lot of frustration and drama here lately, so I'm once again breaking my promise to no longer use this place to talk about personal stuff, in order to maybe clarify some things.

First of all, I want to say that I don't think that everyone on Fig Hunter is a bad person, or anything like that! I'm sorry if I've given that impression... It's just really tough for me, because I burned out all my energy a long time ago. It's different for me than for you, you see, because I'm on the receiving end of hundreds or thousands of comments from different people, as has been the case for years now, and many of them blur into one, and each nasty one strikes the same wound over and over... It's hard to consider the nuances of individuals; even if thinking about a single person's details and traits took just 1% of my energy, I'd be well below 0% in no time. As such, it's just easier for me to want to escape 'Fig Hunter' as a whole. Sort of like being bullied by a handful of bad eggs at school, so you want to avoid school as a whole.

It's really unfortunate that genuinely nice people are caught up in that, since it's really only the fault of a vocal minority...

However, those who respond to my frustration and desire to escape by intentionally trying to hurt me are not people I admire in any way at all. What's that supposed to achieve? Do you think that hurting me will make me think better of you? Every time anyone does that, it just intensifies my desire to be away from this place. It's like headbutting the fragile, termite-filled mast of a ship you're all on... Even if you're successful, you'll all only suffer negative consequences. If I'm destroyed by people from here, then why would I continue to maintain the site, or to make games? It's hard enough doing either of those things with the mountains of frustration being piled upon me by people seeking revenge for my indirect insulting of them. I'm already very low on hit points, so I'm seeking rest to recover... Please don't take away the remaining few.

Another thing is the idea that I suggest that certain values - sensitivity, etc - are 'good', while other values - such as criticism, objectivity, etc - are 'bad'. This isn't the case objectively; only subjectively. Rather than being a matter of black and white, where I see myself as good and Fig Hunter as evil, instead it's more a matter of blue and red; my values are simply different to other values, incompatible with them, and I want a place where I can be immersed in the values that are more meaningful to me. They're certainly not the best values to have; being sensitive is seen as a handicap by many, and rightly so; it does make life more difficult. Being critical and solving problems has many, many benefits, and it's easy to imagine people who value those things ending up wealthier and more successful than I'll ever be. Each set of values has its place in the world, and its own admirers; it's not about good/bad, wrong/right.

I'm at an awkward phase in my life right now, where I'm trying to find my direction, both in terms of a career path, but also in terms of more emotional things like the people I'm happiest around. That group of people might not include you, but please don't take offence at that; we're not all compatible with everyone, and it's not because I think you're a lesser person than I am. It's just because I think that neither of us would have as much pleasure from interacting as we would if we were with people more on each of our wavelengths.

Anyway, I'm sorry for all this. I just need a rest... so I'd be very deeply appreciative if I could be allowed to have one. Thank you.