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Posts relating to Excuses:

6 years ago

Yawn! D:

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: ExcusesPersonal
It's a pain how much sleep affects us! How important getting enough sleep is...

I've been feeling horrible lately... My limbs and eyelids have felt like lead, I keep yawning, losing focus, I can't concentrate, and so on, and it's preventing me from doing the things that I want to do. I've been in poor moods, I keep putting things off, my head aches when I DO try to get around to things...

I've been reading about sleep and its effects on us, and I know now what I can do to fix myself, to feel better. I found some of the things I've read interesting though, so maybe others will benefit from them as well!

Apparently we sleep in cycles... I sort of knew this before, since it's sort of common knowledge, but I wasn't sure about the details.
We go through light sleep, then deep sleep, and finally REM sleep - where we dream - in each cycle. Each type of sleep is important in its own, different ways.

It's best to wake up at the end of a cycle; waking during the deep sleep stage causes us to feel groggy, it takes a while to adapt to the waking world, and we're generally hindered for the rest of the day.

The cycles last around 90 minutes each, and adults such as myself require between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.
It's best though to get around 7 and a half hours, or 9 (which are both divisible by 90 minutes), but NOT an amount like just 7 or 8 hours, since then you'd end up awakening during the middle of a cycle rather than at the end of one.

I've been getting less than 7 hours of sleep recently, which is probably what's been causing me to have all the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation... I also rely on an alarm clock to wake up, and repeatedly press the Snooze button because I'm surely being woken up during the deep sleep stage...

Ugh, it's 5pm at the moment, and I feel like I'm falling asleep as I'm writing this... My limbs feel heavy and I feel sort of detached from reality; my mind is in this weird pinkish haze or something; foggy, mildly confused.

What I need to do is pay off my 'sleep debt', to sleep better and just... sleep in for a few days or something like that. It'll take ages though; I want to just be able to press a button to instantly not feel tired anymore!
I'll go to sleep at the same time every day, but just wake up when my body's ready to rather than setting an alarm. That way, I'll eventually end up in a healthy rhythm... I hope.

Anyway, for those curious about this kind of sleep-related stuff, here's an interesting and relatively accessible article about it: ∞ LINK ∞

Do you get enough sleep, people? It might be interesting to hear how many hours of sleep you get each night. Yes, I'd rather hear about that than receive advice I've not asked for, anyway...!
6 years ago

Weekly Update

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: ExcusesWeekly Updates
Hello there! I said in the Twitter thing that I'd write a Weekly Update, so here I am, doing so!

Unfortunately though, I've got irritatingly little to report... Over the last few weeks, I've got basically nothing done due to Christmas and the New Year causing me stress, and making me feel unsettled and stuff like that...

Since that's over now, I've wanted to get back to work, but I'm trying to get back into a timetable thing that was working really well for me before, and it's causing difficulties, since my sleeping pattens were disrupted over Christmas, and readjusting your body clock is never easy. I think I'm fully adapted now, but for the last few weeks I've been really tired most of the time, yawning constantly, unable to focus, my eyelids and limbs were extremely heavy, etc, etc...

Excuses, excuses!

Anyway, I'll get back to work on Miasmon tomorrow. There's still an annoying amount of work left to do... and I've not really been eager to get around to it, since it's mostly stuff I have been putting off due to disinterest and the tediousness of it.

I still haven't done any of the music for the game, and I think that's putting me off a lot. I mean, I really like doing the music for my games, and playing them feels so empty without any music. Usually, I'll do at least some of the music early on, since it makes the development from then on a lot more exciting.
But I've been struggling with the Miasmon music for months... I just seem to be having more difficulty getting a Main Theme than I have with my other games. I've tried dozens of times, but nothing sounds exactly right... I know what I want, but it's hard to get it just right.
I'm not looking for advice, and I know what I'm doing; I go through this with music quite often, and always get there eventually, with enough tries... It's just taking longer than usual this time, annoyingly.
Once the Main Theme is in place, the rest should come quite easily though. I could probably finish the whole soundtrack in about a week once I'd got going.

I'm sorry that I don't have anything much to say about game progress... I was making great progress before Christmas though, and want to get back to that, and will, next week!

I HAVE however added some stuff to this site which may be of interest to you.
You can now add additional information to your profile:

You can add your Job... I know that a lot of members are too young to have a job though, so I also added a 'Dream Job' thing, which is the job you'd LIKE to have. This still applies even if you have a job, of course! Things like this say a lot about a person, I think.

You can also add your 'Political Ideology'. I know nothing about politics myself, so this thing is largely useless to me, but I understand that it's important to other people, and says a lot about people.

You can add your academic interests, too. These are your school/university subjects that you study or studied, or which you prefer above others. Are you into Maths and Physics, or History and Literature? These things say a lot about a person too, I think.
I know that the Interests could be used for listing such things, but I think that having this separate section for it will be of interest too.

Finally, I've reintroduced the 'Irregularities' thing from the old site... I know that some people thought it was creepy and awkward, since the idea of even suggesting that anyone is flawed or abnormal in any way is taboo or something. But why should we not acknowledge things that are a massive part of peoples' lives and personalities?
I mean, my Social Anxiety is much of who I am, and it affects how I think and act. By openly mentioning that I have it, I can explain my behaviour better, and maybe even find people with the same issue that I can relate to.
This site has always attracted a lot of people with things like Asperger's too, and since these things are aspects now, I'll be curious about how 'popular' such conditions end up being.

Please use that section only for serious, named conditions though. Being wheelchair-bound, or having Asperger's, is notable, but having a double-jointed thumb or being 'slightly autistic' by your own assessment isn't worth mentioning.
The point of them is to create groups that other people will be a part of, like with all aspects. So if you add Asperger's, then you can see what other people have added Asperger's too from the aspect page. It's unlikely though that multiple people will add specific and trivial things like "sometimes my left shoulder hurts a bit".

Oh, and you can also add or remove Interest-type aspects to your Likes or Hates from their individual aspect pages. This only works with Interests though; not any other kind of aspect.

I hope you enjoy this immensely!!111!1
6 years ago

About Advice...

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
I've been meaning to be more open about my progress and stuff, but lately it's been rather difficult for me. I've been really ill, for one thing, and emotionally distressed by real life issues, personal stuff, so I've been neglecting the site and Miasmon, sort of. I'm better now though... Not fully recovered, but better.

I've still actually been working on Miasmon every week day for several hours; it's just that I've been doing less than I'd prefer, though a lot of that is probably because I'm at the point now where all the exciting parts have been done, but many tedious things remain. All the stuff I've been putting off due to lack of desire to do it now needs to be done.

I've been drawing new monster sprites for the game every day, but haven't done any more drawings since the Worker one; I'll try to get back to that soon, now that I'm feeling better...

Well, I say I'm feeling better, and I have been, but at this exact moment I feel sort of sick just by being here at this site, looking through my messages and seeing all the many things that still need to be done, or looking at my profile and seeing recent negative blurbs given for reasons that bother me...

Anyone who gets negative blurbs has to endure them without doing much about it, but since I can, I want to say something about the ones I have got. It's likely that some members who take pride in things like strength and maturity would think less of me for talking/complaining about such things openly at all - just ignore them, I bet they'd say - but they represent views that I've seen aimed at me a lot and I want to explain.

I 'don't let people help me', apparently, or see advice as personal affronts or something like that.

Sometimes I talk about my problems here, since I have no friends and don't really have anywhere else to go. But when I do talk about such things, it's for the sake of getting them off my chest; letting things out in itself is cathartic.

But then people respond by giving advice that I never asked for.

I understand that the people who give the advice do it to try to help, so I know they're not exactly doing anything wrong, but it's hard for me because I end up getting dozens of people all giving me 'advice' which I never asked for, and which I often regard as patronising, especially if it's like some 14-year-old giving me life tips or something like that, or people giving really obvious suggestions with the implication that I'm too dim to have thought of the obvious myself, and needed their wisdom to see the light. Or maybe they just speak as if giving me 'permission' to, say, take a break, as if they personally have that level of authority over me.
I'd never think that they intend to be patronising, or think of what they say that way, but that's how it comes across to me as the recipient.

I'm in a position that a lot of you can't really relate to... You may have friends or relatives around you, who know you, and who offer you occasional advice, even if you didn't ask for it, and you might well receive it with a smile and expect me to do the same. But getting advice from peers is very different to getting advice (which, again, was not asked for) from hordes of strangers who don't really know how you think or what you like.
I mean, it only bothers me because of sheer /volume/; at first, I thought yes, okay, people are just trying to help, but it's got more and more stressful receiving such responses over the years due to repeated exposure; it's left me jaded or something, and I'd bet that anyone would get gradually less and less polite and tolerant of things they never liked in the first place repeated again and again at them...

I don't want to hurt or offend anyone by saying any of this; nobody is doing anything intentionally wrong, and none of you are at fault.I just want to explain why I seem so ungrateful, so aloof and cold, when I'm given advice or when people try to 'help me'.
From the point of view of the person trying to help, me ignoring them or turning them down is a lack of gratitude and civility, arrogance, dismissal, a personal affront. But from my perspective, I'm just feeling swamped and having to think about what to do with yet another 'helping hand' being offered, but I never know what to say so I tend to say nothing...
I'm unable to say polite, Customer Service type replies like 'thank you for your offer/suggestion, I will take it into consideration' because I'd rather be honest or say nothing.

Anyway, when people do offer help or advice, it's often more stressful than useful to me because my mind's so stupid and unusual and broken... People suggest things that work for them, but these things rarely work for me. For example, they might suggest I 'relax with a beer' (I'm a teetotaller), that I 'go and chill out with some friends' (I don't have any), that I 'go for a walk in the park to clear my head' (I have a social anxiety disorder which makes leaving my house a harrowing ordeal, and I know of no parks or anything like that).
If I wanted advice, I'd ask specifically, so then people could give meaningful feedback and they could be genuinely helpful. But when I don't ask for it, I generally don't want it and it adds to my stress rather than relieves it because now I have to worry about letting people down, or I feel frustrated by the thought of people not understanding me...

But what do I want? I just don't know anymore... which makes this whole thing rather ridiculous.
I suppose 'emotional support' is better than unwanted advice, seeing things as a problem or puzzle to solve rather than a human in need of emotional comfort...
There was a forum thread recently which talked about how men and women communicate differently, with women talking to vent and offering emotional support to others, and men talking to solve problems and offering solutions, seeing everything as a puzzle... Men and women both experience frustration when the opposite sex responds undesirably, like a man trying to meddle and brutally ignoring her feelings, or a woman not trying to actually help by solving his problem.
I'm a woman according to that sweeping generalisation; I get frustrated by trying to 'fix' my personal issues despite not even knowing me...
I wish there wasn't such a male majority on this site; maybe then the responses would be more mixed and I'd end up less frustrated, I don't know...

All I'm trying to do here though is explain why I might react the way I do (or not react at all) in response to things like offers of help; I'm not meaning to belittle or tell people off or anything like that. I just don't like people thinking ill of me, and want to increase understanding, to rationalise my behaviour.

Hmm, apparently writing this has been making me feel anxious, and giving me a headache; I can but imagine the response from people who want me to act a certain way and would be angered if I don't behave in that way...

Anyway, maybe I'll get around to doing some work on this site this weekend, though there's no guarantee.