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Posts relating to Personality:

6 years ago


◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalPersonality
This is going to be a personal post, unrelated to my game making, and I'm aware that some people don't like it when I step outside my role of a game-producing machine to express Human Emotions and so on, AND I tend to usually regret doing so here anyway because of the inevitable textual kicks to the crotch that some people feel the need to post, but I feel that I want to at least say something...

I've been reading the blurbs that I've received, and observing my own recent behaviour in the chatroom, which is largely what's led to me writing this.

I am not an 'assertive' person. I am naturally very gentle and very sensitive, empathetic, caring, easily hurt, easily broken by being handled roughly. A glass ornament rather than a football. Yes.
However, many people are indeed 'assertive', and I come across many of them on this site, which in recent months has led to me avoiding the site completely. For a time I felt much better than I had for years by being away from this toxic atmosphere, but I've been trying to return here recently, mainly because of the beta testing, and the old headaches have returned, my worst traits being brought out once more...

Basically, this site brings out the worst in me, and I hate that it does, but I want to try and explain some things. They probably won't be anything new to people who know me, and I'll probably just get unwanted advice from those who seek to force change rather than understand, but I feel it'll be at least slightly cathartic to write about it here.
I crave to explain things so then people can know why I say the things that I do.

I've been running this site now since 2004, and during that time, I've encountered thousands of people, many of whom have 'targeted' me directly, either with praise or with aggression.
Over this time, many of my current views have gradually built up...

For example, I can't stand advice that I never asked for, these days... though years ago, I never really noticed it, or even appreciated suggestions when they came up. My distaste for it has come from being subjected to it repeatedly, often in the form of bad advice from 'assertive' personalities.

I'm also not fond of males or teenagers these days, because my life is full of them both without anything to balance them out. Young people bother me not just by some prejudiced whim, but because I've had to interact with thousands of them on this site over the years, and repeated exposure to their recurring traits has made me easily frustrated.

This site is really all that I have in terms of social interaction these days. It's been more than four years since I last had friends in the real world, who I could physically spend time with, who could boost my spirits when I am down and give me a reason to stay happy.

I wonder how other people would feel if they had no friends and had to constantly deal with young boys talking down to and attacking them every day? I'm not proud of the way that I handle it, but I do wish people would imagine how they'd be in a similar situation before judging my behaviour...

Anyway, to get to the point... I don't like 'assertive' people. That is, people who firmly make their voice known, who are almost always choleric, and who speak as if trying to gain dominance over others (even if that is not their /conscious intention/). They use imperative language, 'tough love', harsh criticism, and condescending phrases.
This rubs me in entirely the wrong way, but then when I react poorly to this forceful approach, it's met with more force, usually... People get offended that I've not taken their bitter medicine that I never asked for in the first place, then get MORE angry with me for it, rather than thinking that there was anything wrong with their approach in the first place. Or maybe responding with aggression is what they do when they feel regretful? Or something. I don't know.

"Look, buddy, you've really got to stop whining about your problems. Get a life, get over it, do us all a favour. Grow a backbone. Just a tip."
"I feel that your approach is overly aggressive and it makes me feel worse."
[Then I notice that I have a new negative blurb saying that I either don't listen to criticism or take it to heart too much.]

Most of the people on this site are decent and I have nothing against them... but the site as a whole is spoilt for me by these relatively few assertive people - who unfortunately are often the loudest - trying to use their forceful approach on me, which causes me distress, which makes them angry, which causes me more distress, which makes me bitter and miserable and less likely to be nice to people, which makes more assertive people tell me what's wrong with me, which makes me feel worse, which makes them angry, which makes me get headaches and feel sick and wish so very hard that I could find a gentle, supportive community rather than one full of 'alpha males' trying to force me to essentially be more like them and less like me.

Many people tell me to shrug off these comments, but I can't. I have paper-thin skin, and I care deeply about everything. I do not want to become someone with a thick skin, or someone who doesn't care about peoples' views. I'd rather endure emotional pain than become apathetic, because I feel that caring deeply is a double-sided coin and I don't want to lose the benefits of it. I like being someone who puts emotional investment into things (and wish that more people would); I just wish that people were less assertive about making their voices known when they have no right to be telling strangers how to behave.
(Oh, but Pusodonewolf, you're telling people how to behave here! That's exactly the same thing! You're CHOLERIC, Pusod! Have you looked in the mirror lately, BRO? What do you mean I'm doing exactly what you were complaining about? Why, that makes me angry! You shouldn't have written this in the first place if you didn't want to be kicked in the groin! BUDDY!!)

Anyway, I assume that the abrasive types I had in mind would reply to something like this by telling me, with their characteristic delivered-as-fact statements and imperative language, that "this is how the internet is, deal with it", or some such thing.
Usually they respond to a poor reception of their forceful approach with a more forceful approach. I suppose that's just how some minds are wired, and they can't act any differently in the same way that I can't naturally shrug things off.

It's not that I need to grow a thicker skin, and I don't want to. I need a real life that makes me happy, and I am currently searching for that. If I had a source of happiness, or a close confidant to talk with about what bothered me, who'd take my side, then everything would be much easier.
While I'm still searching, though, my attitude towards people here will surely be coloured by the beaten-down bitterness that I've developed from repeated exposure to these forceful people. I suppose this post is meant to serve as an explanation for that.

Oh, and please, for the sake of all that's good in the world, don't give me 'tips' on how I can find friends, like 'join a club'. They always imply that I'm incapable of thinking of the obvious without the advisor's golden nuggets of wisdom, for one thing, but my social anxiety holds me back in a lot of ways that I have to explain again and again, and I need to overcome that first, which I'm currently trying to do through therapy and general exposure to what I fear. It's a slow road.

Hmm, one other thing... Over the years, there've been various specific individuals who've made this place highly unpleasant for me, who always these 'assertive' types, but who stand out from the general noise by their prolonged presence.
I cringe when I see them in the chatroom, and leave if things get too much. I avoid reading their comments to save myself from frustration.
They're constantly kicking me in the shins, but I don't ban them from the site because I feel it'd be unjust to kick people out just because I can't stand them.
I wonder whether I should change this, however, and start banning people whose presence I find highly toxic. I'd feel bad about it, definitely, but perhaps not as bad as I'd feel if I had to put up with them all the time...
But then I'd fear people criticising me for getting rid of them, so the whole thing just makes me sigh and want to crawl into a hole or something.
6 years ago

MBTI: Episode 3!1

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Myers-Briggs Personality
Yet again I'm going to be talking about Myers-Briggs, because I've noticed that a lot of people seem to be struggling to decide on their types.

I can't say that I understand the system completely myself... It was only a few days ago that I started looking into it, so my understanding of it is very shallow at the moment. I've been doing more reading, but I think it takes time to really absorb the information and stuff.

Last time, I linked to two other tests, giving three in total which you can use to get an idea of your type.
I got INFJ on all three tests, but other people seemed to get inconsistent results, sometimes very inconsistent.

The best way to understand your type isn't to do tests, though. It's to understand what the letters actually mean.

Here's a site that includes a 'test' (if it can even be called that) which briefly explains the differences between the pairs of letters: ∞ LINK ∞
It makes a point of saying that we all experience both sides of each pair - there are no emotionless robots or people driven entirely be emotions with not a moment of thought, for example - and it's only a preference for one over the other that defines a type.
So an I type will sometimes want to go out, while an E type will sometimes want time alone.
An F type will often think and plan, while a T type will often take emotions into account, but more often, they'll be driven by feelings or analysis respectively.

I'm an F type, but I'm a programmer who spends most of my time in thought, and I'm intrigued by things like arguing about the existence of God.
However, I feel overwhelmed when people go on about fiddly little technical details, or when they talk about all these rules of debate or logical fallacies or whatever.
While I dislike weapons in general, I've always hated how guns have names like 'HK-45' while swords had much more interesting, more personal names like 'Excalibur'. I hated Myers-Briggs for ages because labels like 'INFJ' made me cringe because they seemed too impersonally technical, and I muchly preferred names like 'Melancholic' and 'Phlegmatic'.
I've no interest in or proficiency with computer hardware and would rather use my computer as a creative tool.
I judge everything by how well it fits into my emotional interests, preferences and things like that. I make decisions based on what 'feels right' rather than what reasoning and evidence suggest are the 'best' course of action.
I choose Pokemon based on their looks, not their stats! And I play the Pokemon games to discover new creatures and explore new worlds, for the sake of immersive pleasure; competitive battling has zero appeal to me.
I can't play chess, because I've never had any interest in learning. Competing against another in a game of raw, cold intelligence scares me because I doubt I'd do well, and I dislike conflict and competition anyway.
I have no interest in RTS games because they feel impersonal and technical. I have absolutely no interest in games like Tetris, Pong, etc, which have no characters to relate to or worlds to explore.
I make games to craft worlds; the actual gameplay mechanics are tacked on out of necessity and have little interest to me. I'd rather make a game with an interesting world, than one with innovative mechanics.
I'm interested in UFOs because I love the sense of 'what if?!' about the idea, and am willing to be open-minded about it because I get emotional excitement out of it, while dismissing it because 'there's no reliable evidence' strikes me as incredulous... But that's what I imagine more thinking-oriented people would do. I gain more satisfaction from entertaining the thought than I would from discarding it because it's irrational or illogical or doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

My life is very much full of thinking, pondering, and analysis, BUT it always takes a backseat to my emotions, which determine and drive everything that I do.
This is the kind of things that the letters mean. They don't mean to suggest that you prefer one exclusively, just that one is more prominent than the other.

Here's another page from the same site explaining the letters in yet more detail: ∞ LINK ∞
So if you aren't sure of your types, or even if you just want to improve your knowledge of what these types mean, then it might be a good idea to read these things!

You can also read about your type on this site: ∞ LINK ∞
6 years ago

MBTI: Other Tests

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
It's now possible to select your MBTI type thing for your account from the Settings page.

If you weren't too fond of the previous test, you can try these:

∞ LINK ∞
∞ LINK ∞

I got INFJ for all three tests, and had already come to that conclusion from reading about the types in detail anyway, so I'm fairly confident that that probably is my type.
If you're getting different results, that'd be peculiar!

I've also added an interesting 'Statistics' page, that shows the correlation between temperaments and MBTI, as well as other things, by comparing the data on accounts: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞
Oddly, it doesn't appear that there's any clear link between temperaments and MBTI at all. They most likely do describe entirely different facets, and work together to paint a more complete picture rather than one being 'superior' to the other.

Oh, and I read about my type in more detail here: ∞ LINK ∞
It has a bunch of links at the bottom to other pages that have different approaches to describing the same thing, so you could use the same site to learn about the type that the tests gave you to see if it fits.