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67
Pseudolonewolf
4 years ago

Various Things

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: Halcyon DreamsMiasmon Personal
I have a few things that I want to talk about here; some personal, some relating to creative things.

It's really nice to see that for all the criticism I feel I've been getting lately (I say it like that - "I feel I've been getting" - because I know that it's often not meant horribly at all and I 'overreact'), I've got emails and private messages and things like that from quite a few people, either thanking me for producing work that has had an impact on them, or generally wishing me well and telling me that they're supportive of me, or even offering their hand in friendship.

I feel very grateful of these things, and want to thank everyone who's offered their support in this way! It does make me feel less like everyone's against me, and I do feel better as a result. It's lovely knowing that there are nice people in the world who'll do things like this... Sometimes I forget that.

One thing that I want to mention though is, uh... Well, it's something that I feel really bad about, and I've probably talked about it before, but not everyone would have seen that since it was a while ago.
I mentioned that I have no friends in a recent blog post... which is true. I don't. I have no 'life' to speak of, and I lost any in-person friends that I had when I moved from Australia to Wales about five years ago. My best friend, who was also my girlfriend, has grown distant (I don't really want to talk about this in any detail at all or to hear comments about it), which has been a hard blow to bear, so there's that, too. I have various online acquaintances, but don't talk to them directly; I just recognise them from their comments on my stuff here or on my private introvert site thing.

The main reason that I don't have Friends though is because I'm really picky. All my life, all my friends have been male (except my girlfriend, who I was rarely able to meet due to living in different countries, and a small number of people I've talked to online but never met). Almost all the people here are male, too. I have nothing against males, objectively speaking (I am one, after all)... but I have personally grown frustrated - sexually frustrated in part, no doubt - by the fact that my life is so lacking in female companions and stuff.
I've used the example before of someone growing up in a library, who does love books... but all their friends have video game consoles and they're really, really interested to try one, but can't afford one. If someone were to try and cheer them up by offering to buy them a book, it probably wouldn't work; they don't hate books at all, but they're so familiar with them and it wouldn't satisfy their longing for this new and different thing. Or something. If anything it might just remind them of how books are all they can seem to get.

I find friends generally draining... I was the sort of person who would dread my (all male) real life friends contacting me to 'do stuff' on weekends, preferring instead to sit inside learning how to make games, and I never went to parties or made the first move to contact people or anything like that.
It's because I crave the ability to really strongly relate to people, rather than just having 'anyone' to talk to or do things with. And if I feel I can't really relate to someone on a deep emotional level, they're likely to be an extra worry rather than a mood booster... even if they mean well. It sounds horrible, and I mean no offence by it; I suppose it's just hard to explain.
I suppose I'd also prefer someone I could 'flirt' with in some way... which I would not want to do with a male.
Wouldn't it make you feel happier to hear "I find you really interesting" from the opposite sex rather than someone of your own sex? o_O

Age and nationality are usually factors too... Many of the people who wish to be my friend are American and usually around a decade younger than me, and the cultural and generation gaps would be too unpleasant for me... It might give a young person an ego boost of a sort to think that they'd be talking with this 24-year-old games developer that they respect, but I can't say that I'd get the same ego boost from talking to some 15- or 16-year-old stranger... It feels embarrassing, as it might if your only friends were half your age or something. Young people have less experience, different life issues, often focused around school, which I no longer go to.
Would you wish to become close friends with someone 8 or 9 or 10 years younger than yourself from the opposite side of the planet? o_O

Anyway, my point is that many people have offered to be my friend over the years, but I invariably turn them down because they're almost always young males, usually teenagers... I appreciate their offer - I really do! - but I don't want to take them up on it because it'd be an emotional drain for me, even if they have a very similar personality to my own. I feel so bad about that and don't want to hurt or reject anyone heartlessly... which is why I've tried to explain it in so much detail. I'm really sorry...

"But Pseudo, you can meet people through people, so even if you make male friends, you might meet girls through them" is something that I hear a lot. It'd take too long to explain in detail why that's not appealing to me, but basically it's the 'emotional drain' thing.



On another note, I've been trying to work on this webcomic thing that I mentioned before. I've planned and made mock-ups of 7 pages so far... and none of them are funny! o_O

It seems that webcomics come in two main flavours, with many exceptions, but these are what I notice usually:
"gag a day" comics, which have a row of panels and a punchline at the end, usually with minimal action and a caricatured cast and 'zany antics';
and "arty" comics, which are more cinematic, have less dialogue, aren't necessarily funny, and can spend two or three pages on a character drinking a cup of tea from various extreme angles and so on. They tend to be in a taller-than-it-is-wide sort of format, often with freeform panels rather than a set template.

My own comic - which is called "Halcyon Dreams" - is tending towards the 'arty' form, though I don't actually have the art skills to pull it off very impressively, at least at the start, though the reason I'm making it at all is to improve my art (which I know isn't bad, but I also know - objectively - that it is not as good as the work of others and I know what I can and cannot do), so it should start looking better over time.

It tells a story, and delves deeply into personalities... The main character is a girl who has a personality and life situation very similar to my own - I am writing what I know and using this as a way of expressing my own thoughts and feelings artistically - and the first four pages have quite a bit of text showing her internal thoughts.
On page 7, though, she's warped away to a strange alien world, and soon develops the ability to shapeshift into animal forms and cast magic. She meets some big tough warrior guy, and ends up travelling around with him for various reasons; much of the early plot and scenes would be them essentially getting to know eachother and realising how different they are, so it'd be more about exploring personality differences than about events or 'zany antics'.
Maybe this will be disappointing to some people, but then again it might be particularly appealing to others. It only stands to reason though that I would write about something I'm passionate about.

I have drawn rough, rough mock-ups of the first 7 pages, as I said, but I need to reread and revise THE HELL OUT OF THEM before I'm satisfied enough to draw and colour them properly... I don't know how long that will take.

Hmm... I wasn't going to do this for fear of criticism or misinterpretation, but oh, I might as well. Here's the rough, rough mock-up of the first page:



It's very scratchy and crude and lays out the parts where they might go, but it's only an idea; the finished version would have much neater text boxes, revised wording, and much better drawings. It'll be fully coloured too.
I only show this here as an example of what to expect. I know that my games have been funny, and I will be injecting that humour into this comic as it comes to me, but I won't be forcing myself to make it amusing or to give every strip a punchline. Much of it may even be angsty melancholy sort of drivel that appeals to me as an emotional and moody person. We'll see.



I have been worrying about my 'reputation' recently, especially considering how I handled recent events.

I hear about certain website owners, webcomic makers, and other people who gain fanbases getting ripped to shreds by haters behind their backs for their personality flaws or the ways in which they handle things ("he bans anyone who criticises him", "he has an overinflated ego", "he's a paedophile", etc).
Tim Buckley of Ctrl+Alt+Delete comes to mind... I've heard that he's not a very nice person at all.

I worry a lot about becoming one of these people who others love to hate... Who has enough that's obnoxious about me to spawn forum threads talking about how horrible I am, what a flawed excuse for a human being I am, and so on and so forth. About how only my 'fanboys' defend me, while anyone sane wouldn't dare go near me, instead preferring to mock from a distance.
I imagine that some people already have such conversations about me... and it's a painful thought, though I have only myself to blame.

I don't want to be the sort of person who bans people for criticising me, or who seems to have a huge ego or severe problems or things like that... Maybe I should be aware of this and try my best to improve how I interact with this site. It is emotionally taxing... but as much as this site drains me, it's not fair to take it out on others.



Finally, I should be getting Pokemon Black 2 today... hopefully. It's not arrived yet though, which is worrying. Irritatingly, Americaland got it days earlier (even though I seem to remember Europe getting Black and White versions earlier), so I've been having to wait for several days for it. Grr.

I don't want to hear or talk about it or anything - I'm ultra-sensitive to spoilers, you see, and the less I know about a game, the more I enjoy it (I've been avoiding looking at the telly when adverts for it are shown!) - but I mention this because I'm hoping that it'll renew my interest in Miasmon, which I've been struggling to make progress with lately due to general lack of passion.
It was Pokemon Black Version that made me start on Miasmon in the first place, so maybe Black 2 will be the thing that makes me finish it.

To be clear: please don't even mention Pokemon in your replies!! I want to know absolutely nothing about it, even your vague impressions of it. Just hearing that people have it when I don't yet is annoying, actually.



So yes. Thoughts. Understanding - rather than harsh opinions delivered as if they're objective facts - would be appreciated.
32 Comments
17
Pseudolonewolf
4 years ago

Ugh

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: PersonalRanting The Site
How would you feel if you spent several days of non-stop hard work - and got a pounding headache out of it - on something that you felt really proud of, and eventually gave out to people completely for free, and several of them simply said, in response to your gift, "it's awful, I hate it"?

I feel sick.

I understand that not everyone would like everything I ever do, but the sheer blunt tactlessness of peoples' comments doesn't even attempt to take into account how I'd actually feel about their words.

Always from T types, of course...

I wish I'd never bothered. So much for this reworking of the site making me feel better.

Even if people make 'fair points' in their aggressive criticism of my work, I'm not eager to listen to them or cater to their wishes if they express their dissatisfaction so harshly.
32 Comments
5
Pseudolonewolf
4 years ago

Understanding the 9 Enneagram Types!

◊ Posted by A β Pseudolonewolf
Categories: EnneagramPersonal
I know I'm 'coming on strong' with this whole Enneagram thing and writing a lot about it all at once (I only learned about it yesterday! o_O), but I'm trying to learn more and as I do, I wish to share it in order to hopefully assist others who are unsure about their type and wing.

It's interesting how personality systems like this appeal to me deeply as a 4w5, as 4s crave to understand themselves and to not feel 'defective', and 5s wish to see patterns and to gain knowledge.

Anyway, what I'm going to do here is write my own brief impressions of each type, as they are at the moment. I'm still new to the system, of course, but perhaps this will be of some use anyway. I've done a lot of reading, so maybe I'll be able to communicate the essence to save others from having to read as much?



Type 1 - The Reformer

These strike me as strict 'disciplinarian' types; the ones who feel they have a 'moral cause', who speak of 'good and evil' and 'right and wrong' with such importance, who are 'all work and no play' in some sense. They may feel that they are 'crusaders'; knights defending a cause. The sort who corrects others, who has great self control and who denies themselves simple pleasures because they feel that it is wrong to indulge. They seem very Serious and responsible, and wish others to be that way too.
They seem to be seen by others as rigid and in control, but internally they feel like this takes a lot of effort, like they're holding down the lid of a bubbling cauldron of emotions, or holding the barred door to a room of beasts, and they'd best not relax their efforts lest the beasts get out and hurt themselves and those around them.

I find it easy to imagine them as a sort of Stern Father Figure archetype... Strict, disciplined, but not expressively emotional or sentimental. It's also easy to imagine them as Responsible, even as politically conservative.

I was able to relate to this type from my first reading of it because it talked about perfectionism and strong adherence to personal values... which does fit me, but the way in which these are important to 1s is different.
I'm a perfectionist and idealist in the sense that I've got a very narrowed-down view of what I like as a result of feeling so 'different' to others; a 4 thing. I fantasise wildly about ideal situations, while 1s instead try to maintain certain standards that they feel should be kept, or to enforce them.
I also feel the need for competence, which leads to perfectionism in my own work; this is a 5 thing, to seek expertise rather than doing a shoddy job. 1s would be perfectionistic because they are serious, disciplined, and wish to do things Right.

So generally speaking, the perfectionism and ideals of a 1 seem to stem from a strict sense of self-control and discipline, and it is to some extent assertive; they wish to enforce or maintain their strongly-held values in the real world rather than merely in an internal fantasy world.

Type 1 has ANGER OR RAGE as its basic emotion. They seek to use anger and instinctual drives for productive ends, which can result in criticism, assertiveness, and similar things. However, they always like to be in control of this anger; to hold the chain that shackles the beast.

I'd relate this to all but the temperament; I could imagine , , or similar fitting into this type.

I can see Si and Te about them, maybe?



Type 2 - The Helper


These seem like lovely people who are openly helpful, caring, compassionate and loving to all those that they come across. They seem to love without judging - seeing the good and ignoring the bad - and actively go out of their way to involve themselves in the lives of others to be helpful to them.
However, it seems that most of the time, they want this to result in appreciation, and they can get upset or feel worthless when these attempts to help are not properly thanked, leading to clinginess, even to domineering intrusion or abuse.

They are the sort who 'meddle' in the affairs of others! They don't keep their noses out of others' business, because they want to solve things, help, make people better. They're the sort who, in response to 'please, I'm fine' would say 'oh, nonsense!' and keep inflicting their help upon that person anyway.

It's easy to imagine them as a jolly old woman who lets homeless people into her house and feeds them purely out of the kindness in her heart... but feels upset if they don't seem grateful about it. She'd derive pleasure from the happiness that they express for her kindness.

Their descriptions says that they're empathetic and compassionate - which stood out to me personally as appealing - but there's no way that I'm personally this type because I don't accept people unconditionally at all, or go out of my way to help others for its own sake.
I have known people who may be 2s, though. I wonder if my step-dad is 3w2; he seems like a show-off who likes things because of how they'll make him look (a 3 thing), but he's also openly generous and helpful, holding doors open or offering to do this or that, or paying people more than they deserve... but if he's not thanked for his generosity and assistance - if people don't 'kiss his arse', as my mother gracefully puts it - then he sulks like a petulant child, or gets downright aggressive.

Type 2 has SHAME as its basic emotion. They feel afraid of being worthless, of being unappreciated, so they make themselves useful by helping as much as they can to stave off this fear of worthlessness.

I'd associate and to some extent with this; perhaps . Not necessarily , and probably not .

I can see Fe in this description; perhaps even Se, and Extraversion in general too.



Type 3 - The Achiever


These people seem to be charismatic 'role-model' types who have to stand out, to be something, to avoid at all costs being a 'nobody', and to do this, they adapt to the expectations of those around them; be it their family, business colleagues, or society in general. They are the most likely to be revered by others, the most likely to take action and achieve roles like prefects or 'class president' in schools. They carefully craft their image based on what they feel will impress, such as picking up interests, fashions, or whatever because of what it'll make people think of them. "I like jazz because it makes me look cool". This is not likely to be a conscious thing as such, and they won't see it as artificial.

Their personalities depend heavily on the opinions of others. They crave success and attention, but purely because that will bring them acceptance and admiration in the eyes of others. They alter their own behaviour in order to achieve this, rather than 'being themselves' and hoping to get along fine that way. They feel shame and worthlessness if they are not 'somebody', if they aren't worth admiring, or if they don't stand out.

I picture a politician, or a rockstar, or those kinds of people who have almost artificial personalities, built around what people expect, or like, or admire. It certainly brings them praise, yes, but they may feel more like they're living for others than they are for themselves.

I can't relate to this type at all, despite it being adjacent to 4. I mentioned that my step-dad may be 3w2, though. There's just something about the way that he picks up interests and shows them off that seems entirely designed to impress. He buys expensive clothes and music systems and things like that so then he can brag about their 'specs' or look savvy, sophisticated, or wealthy, or things like that. He uses the occasional word that makes him seem relatively 'hip' and younger than he is, all designed to impress. He tends to prefer interests that other people will notice, rather than things he does purely in the privacy of his mind. He was a successful businessman for a while due to the charisma and self-assuredness that this brought with it; a confident speaker who was able to rally others and convince them of his ideas, 'manufactured to please' as they were.

Type 3 also has SHAME as its driving emotion. They fear being a nobody, being unnoticed, being insignificant and not someone worth admiring, so they develop their personalities based around what society finds admirable in order to escape this underlying shame. They feel that they as themselves are not impressive, which is why they wear the carefully-crafted, much more sparkly shell.

This is another type that I'd associate with , maybe even .

I've no strong feeling for any associated Myers-Briggs functions!



Type 4 - The Individualist


This is the type that resonates with me the most, and it explains a lot of things I've been dealing with all my life.

These people feel different from others. In some way, they rather like this; they like being weird, abnormal, unusual... but with it comes a profound loneliness, a deep frustration that they don't belong in this world, that they can't really find common ground with others at all and struggle to find genuine connections as a result. They crave these genuine connections, however, and fantasise about ideal partners, friends or parents who truly understand them, and who they can understand in kind. Allies, with an 'us vs Them' mentality behind it. But once they find a partner or friend who seems like them, they quickly become moody and upset when this person fails to meet their ultra-narrow view of a 'perfect soul mate', when they seem like "one of Them" rather than "like me", and this can manifest as hurtful rejection and retreating into their own minds again to sulk about how they'll never find someone they can truly, truly understand and be understood by at the deep, deep level that they so dearly crave.

They spend so much time in this inner world of deeply emotional fantasy. They're profoundly emotional, and sensitive, and dwell on what sets them apart from others, making lists about how exactly they're different, how others get along with eachother sooo easily, but how they struggle because they don't have those traits. I've done this before, literally making lists of how I'm different to others. They're lists full of melancholy rather than superiority, though of course there's an element of that too; "I only like Classical and video game music, but everyone else likes rock and pop and rap and metal. I hate it; I can't relate at all. I hate those genres and wish others liked only Classical and video game music so then I could relate to them".
If I then grew close to someone who did like one of those genres - or who grew to like one of them - I'd feel almost betrayed, and deeply hurt, because they were moving closer to 'Them' (that is, 'the masses' or 'normal people' or 'everyone else') and further from 'Me'.

Their sense of identity is everything to them. They seek to understand themselves, and spend ages and ages in self-absorbed, even self-indulgent introspection, learning to understand themselves in every detail, in every nuance, and their analysis is untainted by pride. They freely and honestly speak about their emotional findings, about their weaknesses and differences, as if casting out lures, hoping that that one perfect soul mate might bite with an "I know how that is! I understand! I can relate!"
But they focus too, too much on these 'differences', on the identity that they think they've found, and it becomes very narrow. They become attached to this personality they've built up inside themselves, and become completely reluctant to try new things, even basic things, that contradict their narrow image. "I ONLY like Classical and video game music; I refuse to listen to this heavy metal video"; "poets don't work in offices".
If people ever criticise this personality, they feel deeply and painfully hurt due to their sensitivity, almost as if their soul was slashed by a sword, and they retreat away in distress about how people don't understand them, internally sobbing and fuming and wishing, fantasising that some saviour will come and save them from their lonely, miserable existence.

They are deeply envious and jealous of what other people have and which they don't, and dwell resentfully on these things, these differences, these misfortunes and their own lack of luck.

Type 4 is the third to have SHAME as its underlying emotion. They feel shame at being broken, defective, like they don't belong in the world and never will. They escape this deep-rooted fear by clinging to whatever scraps of identity they can, because by forming something coherent and stable - even if it's narrow - they have something to cling to, some hope that they'll find others who'll accept them for that.

They are very strongly associated with what I've described the temperament as, and I cannot see how someone could be a primary 4 without also being .

I'd also associate them with NF types, particularly INF due to 4's introversion (they spend most of their time alone, away from those who are 'different', dwelling in introspection).

I've obviously written more about this type than others, but that's because I know it so very well and, in many ways, I'm incredulous when other people choose 4 as their type - this is another trait of the 4; they feel annoyed and indeed incredulous if other people claim to be the same as them, because the miserable sense of difference is so deep-rooted and they're so used to disappointment when others fail to match exactly with them - so I'd hope that by explaining it in detail like this, I could 'weed out' those who aren't really 4s but who chose it anyway.



Type 5 - The Investigator


5s seem to be a withdrawn, 'intellectual' type (though intelligence doesn't seem to be a necessary factor) who observes from afar and gathers information, develops patterns, collects knowledge, in order to prepare themselves for coping with a scary world for which they don't feel ready.
They keep to themselves and don't generally participate in the same things that many others so readily do, instead preferring to watch from the sidelines... I say 'preferring', but it's only in a 'most comfortable' kind of way, and they may wish that they could be more carefree and involved.

They are focused on competence, and generally seek to develop expert skill in at least one area of expertise. If they go a day without learning, or developing, or improving their skills, it feels like a waste.
They are scared that they may be too incompetent to face the challenges that await them in the real world, so they retreat into their minds, and try to develop their specific technical skills so then they'd have at least one area they'd feel competent and confident in, or they'd have a way of distracting themselves from the pressure of the real world.

They prefer to dwell in the unknown, the unusual, rather than taking the well-worn path or diving into the mainstream and going with the flow. As such, many of them turn to rather nerdy interests, or attempt to make scientific breakthroughs, to make a difference through new ideas.

Visual representations of this type jump readily to mind. 'Nerds' and scientists probably usually have it, and it's no surprise that it's the most common type on this site.

Since it's my wing, I understand it well, and while I can't relate to with as much glorious accuracy as 4, it does explain why, as my wing, it makes me into a withdrawn, intellectual computer programmer type (whereas I imagine 4w3 would be more likely to be the 'hipster' type; 'different' and making a point about it through a carefully crafted image).

Type 5's underlying emotion is ANXIETY. They fear incompetence, and the world scares them because they don't feel ready - competent - enough to face it. They try to learn as much as they can about their specialist subjects so then they have something that they're good at, something to cling onto to feel safe. They're terrified of the idea of not knowing how to do things.

It seems easy to associate it with NT, particularly INT.



Type 6 - The Loyalist


These types seem to be characterised by a sort of anxiety which arises out insecurity; the feeling of threat, of being abandoned, hurt, or similar things. As such, they are inclined to put up barriers to protect themselves - to wear armour, I suppose - and to often wield a sword so then they can hurt others before they have a chance to be hurt by them. However! Not necessarily. It seems that a strong characteristic of the 6 is their tendency to embody completely contrasting traits. They can be both strong and weak, courageous yet terrified, bullies and weaklings, aggressive and passive, and so on and so forth, simultaneously. Many of these contradictions arise from a 'counterphobic' attitude; that is, taking the offensive towards their fears as a way of coping with them. Wielding the sword.

They're the sorts who'd develop or focus on conspiracy theories, who'd be slow to trust, who'd be reluctant to share their personal details online, or even their emotions in case anyone used them to hurt them. They don't take the 'risk'. They don't like being pinned down, or the thought of being blackmailed, or anything like that. This guardedness can turn into paranoia at its extreme.

They are deeply terrified of abandonment, about having to cope by themselves and failing, so they remain deeply loyal to those they're close to, or to the beliefs they've ascribed to. They're always willing to fight for and defend these beliefs, as that's preferable to losing what they have and being abandoned.

I picture a Guard in some fantasy setting, wearing armour and weapon and standing firmly in front of whatever it is that he's protecting... He does this because his head fills with thoughts of the terrible things that might happen to it if he isn't there to protect it, and he spends a great deal of his time wondering about whether or not he'd be able to cope with it when - not if, but when - those terrible things were to happen.
Or I imagine one of those modern people who's cynical and jaded, who talks about what a tough place the world is, about how the only way to get through it is to toughen up and fight back, or to retreat away completely.

I also imagine that many of those typical bullies (or trolls) who are 'really insecure, deep down!' would be 6s, while the sorts of self-confident bullies (or trolls) with no issues at all - who pick on others because they can and because it's fun rather than because they hate themselves deep down - would be 8s.
However, the personalities of 6s can be very timid and retreating too, due to the wide range of contrasting possibilities that this inner, constant anxiety can produce.

At first I could relate to the anxiety aspect of this type - since of course anxiety is a big factor in my own life - but my anxiety stems from being unable to cope with the world due to incompetence, not knowing what to do - a 5 thing - and about loneliness and not being understood or really finding where I belong in the world, about living a solitary life because I never find what I want - a 4 thing - so the guardedness of 6 doesn't speak to me in the same way.
I usually get annoyed at people who are so guarded about their feelings, their weaknesses, or even their basic personal information, in fact, because I as a 4 am certainly not guarded in the same way!

The underlying emotion of 6 is, again, ANXIETY. They are very insecure, and fearful about being taken advantage of, hurt, or of losing what they have and being left alone. They loyally defend what they have to prevent this, and wear the armour or wield the sword or simply avoid things - depending on the person - in order to guard themselves from danger.

This is another one that might associate with and , maybe , but probably not except in the case of 6w7.

I can imagine this going well with Te or Ti, but not necessarily; I have no strong feeling about MBTI functions for 6.



Type 7 - The Enthusiast


This seems like the oh-so-typical type. Generally extroverted and active, very active, always doing things, involving themselves, picking up loads and loads of hobbies and interests - and being quickly skilled at them! - but not really holding them for very long individually. Always on the move, on the go, looking for new adventures, new experiences, new ways to entertain themselves, but never really sure of what exactly they're looking for... so they try as many things as possible due to a sort of inability to decide on one to focus on.
They are lively, optimistic, enthusiastic and encouraging; a joy to behold and to interact with due to their energetic delivery and apparent zest for life. Very "happy clappy", involved, eager to get things done and to experience things directly. They can't sit still!

Their underlying emotion is also ANXIETY. They are forever flitting between one adventure to the next in order to distract themselves from facing their inner demons. They fear that if they ever stop moving, they'll be defeated by all their problems bubbling beneath the surface, and they don't want that.

Essentially they're what I described as on the temperaments page, in many ways, so I'm not sure what more to say about them here! I think they're not difficult to imagine... Robin Williams comes to mind as an example of how they 'sound'.

They're most likely to have MBTI types that start with E, but I'm not sure about the rest.



Type 8 - The Challenger


If type 7 is , this one is . Oh so .
Essentially they seem to embody all the concepts I've ascribed to in the past. Confidence, assertiveness, the desire to challenge others - to 'shake them up' either for kicks or because they feel it'll 'help' them in some way - and to be challenged themselves, to prove their own strength. Being strong is important to them, and they do not freely reveal their vulnerabilities. Tough love is the best kind. Fighting is a way to solve problems. They never back down from a challenge. They don't take 'no' for an answer.
They wish to make a mark, and they speak their mind freely and forcefully in order to get what they want or make the difference that they feel needs to be made. They can be controlling, are prone to anger, and do not like to be controlled themselves. On top is the only place that they are comfortable.

However, when they are on top, they shine, and become exceptional leaders, able to confidently command others and as such can be looked up to for their clear confidence, which others may envy.

It should be fairly clear what this type is like... Many bullies would be type 8 (though some would be type 6 with a counterphobic streak), as would those stereotypical 'Corporate Manager' people who shout and boss others around and show off how strong and important they are. Typical 'alpha' types.

They're not evil, however, and their naturally forceful nature may be turned to more positive pursuits, like a 'bully bullier', or a guardian of those weaker than themselves, or one who fights ferociously for a noble cause, whatever it may be.
You could have an 8 who argues fervently and relentlessly in favour of the right to bear arms, while another 8 would argue just as fervently about how guns should be banned, with neither backing down.

It should come as no surprise to hear that the underlying emotion of 8 is ANGER OR RAGE. They react physically to this instinctual urge, by raising their voices, throwing tantrums, and so on; anyone can see when an 8 is angry.

Obviously I didn't feel any affinity with this one at all myself, and obviously I have difficulty with people of this type on this site. And obviously they're ; I already said that.

They'd probably be ExTx types, maybe ENTJ or ESTJ and similar.



Type 9 - The Peacemaker


And if 7 is , and 8 is , then 9 is likely .
They are chameleons, who adapt to their surroundings. They can show traits of all 8 other types, without having a firm, distinct nature of their own that shines through... They're shapeshifters with no 'original form' to fall back on... though it could also be said that this adaptiveness itself is their true nature. They tend to adapt to the traits of those close to them in particular, though they'll be able to shift forms depending on the expectations of their environment. They do this so as not to 'be a bother', in a sense; they wish for the path of least resistance.

They are the most averse to conflict of all forms, and may either retreat from it, or play a mediator role to try and bring peace to others who are falling out. They are supportive friends, who put others first. They do not assert themselves as more important than others, and would prefer to go happily along with others' plans instead, shifting their form to accommodate them.

They like others to get along, and serve as a sort of 'glue' to bind others; a 'wingman', a matchmaker, a helpful friend who makes sure that projects are going swimmingly, putting everything and others above their own needs.
This can lead to burnout, causing 9s to 'disintegrate' towards anxious, guarded traits similar to a 6.

They have a tendency to run away from or ignore negative thoughts and feelings, to put them out of mind in order to put their mind at peace.

Like the 7, they may pick up many hobbies and gain quick skill with them, without ever focusing on any of them or devoting much time to them. The 7 would do this with flighty high energy, while the 9 may be 'slow' and calm about it, but would move on due to their chameleonic nature. It would be selfish to devote too much time to themselves, so they don't.

At first, this stood out to me because I too am averse to conflict, very much so, but my own aversion is largely sensitivity to my own identity being attacked, and a lack of interest in attacking others because I'm too deep in my own mind; the motivation isn't the same as it is for a 9, therefore I'm not one.

Interestingly, the 9 is associated with the emotion of ANGER OR RAGE... but their association with it is denial and avoidance. 9s are the types who 'don't get angry', who deny that anger is something that is even a part of them at all, and who seek peace and compromise in order to avoid anger at all costs, from themselves or others. They're so afraid of anger and rage that conflict becomes entirely toxic, but if pushed, really pushed, they are capable of violent outbursts of anger that surprise - or scare - those who know them.

I find it bizarre, however, that 9 is next to 8, so that 9w8 and 8w9 are valid types; it seems like a complete contradiction to me.

I've no idea about MBTI functions for this one either! Maybe there's no clear correlation between any Enneagram and MBTI types.



PHEW. This took ages to write, but I feel that I personally came to understand each of the types a lot better from it. Maybe - hopefully - it'll shed some light on them for others, too. Sorry about the length, though it is briefer than other descriptions of these types maybe?! o_O
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