Irregularity - Depression

Originally created by M  Wolf
6 years ago.

on 2 Roots

6 Comments

Novani
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Novani 26 United States MelancholicCholeric INTJ 5w6 36C
I come from a family that has known cases of clinical depression and bipolar II.
All of them also have had suicidal thoughts before.
I am currently am not clinically depressed but have attempted suicide before.
There are times I feel I can do anything and all things are under my control and other times I feel a great dread that overwhelms me.
It is a empty hollow feeling of being worthless and small.
My very heart would feel like it was constricted and I would start to sink into my own mind closing off the world.

The only way I could escape that hollowness was to sleep. I would sleep eighteen to twenty-two hours at a time.
I would miss class and my meals not caring about showering.
All I would want to do is to sleep, since in sleep my mind would allow me time to dream and forget my woes.
But when I awoke I would feel worst as the fleeting peace found in those dreams would vanish, replace by the hallow thoughts of my true reality.

This cycle of sleep and self loathing will continue for a few days until I wake up and my mind stops feeling sorry for itself.
I would curse myself for being stupid and dive into my life with greater vigor.
Hoping to catch-up with all I missed and seek to better myself as a person hoping not to fall back into that cycle of self-pity.
As of today it has been nearly two years since my last bout with that hollowness and self-hating.
I find proper logical thought and long walks help me deal with the symptoms that draw me into that dark place.
But Fenix Shakura is right one must seek help for Depression and it has many stages and forms.
lazarony
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lazarony 30 United States CholericSanguine ESTJ 8w7 503C
That sounds extremely similar to the depression from which my wife suffers (suffered?). The way I understand it, her brain was not releasing high enough levels of serotonin (perhaps dopamine, but I think it was serotonin), which caused irregularities in her mood, diet, and sleeping pattern. She essentially went on a specific anti-depressant designed to increase serotonin levels and enduring production for around six months while we were in college, and it balanced her out such that she has not needed them since. There is always a chance that she will, at some point, need to go back on them to "kick-start" serotonin production again, but as I said, she has been fine for several years now.
Pseudolonewolf
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Again I'm commenting on an 'Irregularity' aspect to wonder aloud about how people diagnose themselves with it...! o_O
It seems that 'Depression' is another one of those things that's overdiagnosed these days, and what counts as 'depression' to one person doesn't seem remotely noteworthy to another, or something.

I had Depression listed as one of my Irregularities on the old site, and was considering adding it here, but I really don't think it applies to me.
I have a miserable personality, and nobody would call me 'fun-loving'. I also often feel weary and unable to do very much. I'm frequently self-deprecating about myself and my work, and I feel upset about my various flaws and such regularly as well.
But I see this as a set of 'personality traits', not as a disorder, since there are times when I am happy, or do laugh, and my general, everyday feelings aren't characterised by crippling melancholy.

I mean, I knew someone who had real Depression once... Proper depression. This person spent much of their time crying, or in bed; getting out of bed in the morning seemed nearly impossible due to an overwhelming 'what's the point? D:' feeling. It was crushing and debilitating and affected this person's day-to-day life immensely, essentially causing it to grind to a halt. They couldn't do anything, since everything seemed hopeless, and I don't think they could be happy even if they tried; attempting to cheer them up only made them more upset.

If you can laugh and have fun sometimes and like a relatively normal life, and don't spend every waking moment wallowing in self-pity or self-loathing to the detriment of everything else, I wonder, do you really have 'Depression'?
Fenix Shakura
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Fenix Shakura 25 Germany PhlegmaticCholeric ISTJ 5w6 294C
As far as I can tell, there are times where I can laugh and have fun, but apart from these times I barely enjoy life.
I went to some psychologists and they diagnosed depression (I even had some weird wires connected to my head, to measure my mind waves, or something ô_ò).
I feel it mostly during the cold seasons, so it might be a Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I don't feel too happy at summer times either. There might be two slight forms of Depression amplifying each other, maybe not.
I stopped dealing with it after taking medical drugs for several months and noticing that they didn't change much.
Right now, it is quite bearable, so I don't have to deal with it for the moment.

What I want to say is, if people think that they have depression, they should clarify it, instead of waiting until they have grown up to a critical extent.
They might not detest every single moment of their existence, but that doesn't have to mean that they are not depressive, or at least at the not verge of it.
After all, "Depression" is such a vague term, it has many diffenrent forms and stages.
SuriNin
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SuriNin 25 United States MelancholicSanguine INFP 43C
Depression doesn't mean you can *never* laugh and have fun, it means that most or much of the time you feel the way you described in your second-to-last paragraph. It also can be more mild than what you described and still be depression. Also, for me, I didn't cry much; it was more that I often didn't feel *anything.*
SuriNin
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SuriNin 25 United States MelancholicSanguine INFP 43C
I had originally used this comment box to correct a typo in my earlier comment, but now I know comments are editable. :)